


Playground Volume 1

by nilielh



Series: Playground [1]
Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Best Friends, Chibi Ohmiya, First Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:27:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 28,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25592026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nilielh/pseuds/nilielh
Summary: AU. They’ve always been together, since they were children. Doing things together, growing up together. Only one thing Ohno didn’t count on – falling in love with his best friend.
Relationships: Ninomiya Kazunari/Ohno Satoshi
Series: Playground [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1288238
Comments: 10
Kudos: 18





	1. His unexpected hero

**Author's Note:**

> Edited version!

Originally posted in LJ l Reposted in [DW](https://nilielh.dreamwidth.org/tag/fic+:+playground)

\----

  
Nino looked around, clutching the thing against his chest like a lifeline; his fingers trembled, his stomach kept bitching at him no matter how many times he told it to shut up because he just have his lunch on his hand, for crissake, if it could just wait a few more seconds when he was sure no one was around to see him. He crouched down, his knees shaking as the scent of vanilla and faint strawberry filled his senses, making him all the more dizzy.  
  
He opened his mouth and closed his eyes, his stomach growling at the same time he took a bite, his pupils dilating at the weird taste of it that he thought he was used to by now.

“That's not food,” someone muttered behind him and Nino jerked and turned in shock, automatically hiding the ‘thing’ behind him. He was met with a boy about his height – blinking and staring at him through confused, sleepy eyes. Nino felt himself blushed, but he was too busy mentally murdering the other boy to properly reply him.  
  
“You cannot eat that, you'll get sick.” the boy added in a gentle tone and Nino suddenly felt like crying. Or punching the boy in the face for interrupting him.  
  
God, he’s so hungry he’d probably pass out before he even manage to swing his arm around.

“Why do you even care?” Nino bit back with a scowl. The boy looked all the more confused and Nino had a very little chance of knowing what he should fire next when the boy dropped his back pack on the ground and started digging for something only god knows what.

“I know I have some here, wait.”  
  
“What?”  
  
He took a step back, still hiding the ‘thing’ behind him and the boy blinked a couple of times, looking increasingly confused and Nino had a very little chance of knowing what he ought to be saying next when the boy dropped his back pack on the ground and started digging for something only god-knows-what.  
  
The boy seemed to be wholly focused on whatever he was looking for, the tip of his pink tongue peeking out of the corners of his mouth and Nino didn’t know why the boy looked adorable and a bit dumb at the same time. He cleared his throat and the boy looked up, scrunching his nose in a way that was so cute that had Nino thinking of fluffy, little animals and adorable, drooling babies.  
  
“What - What are you doing?"

“Looking for candies,” the boy answered brightly, dropping all the contents of his bag and grinned when he found what he was looking for. “Here, you can have these.” he said, his hands filled with about four different varieties of candies that made Nino’s mouth watered.  
  
He looked down at his hands. Those are definitely way better than –

“Tissues are _not_ food,” the boy mumbled matter-of-factly and Nino suddenly felt the urge to hit him on the face (even though he’s really cute and kind too). “Candies are. So here, take them. I would give you my lunch too but I ate them all already. I’ll bring you some tomorrow, I promise.” he said without pausing, crouching back down to put all of his things back into his bag. Nino remained still, staring at the candies in his hand as if they were a gift from heaven.

His eyes watered suddenly and Nino wasn’t able to hold back a choked sob, staring at the candies in awe.

“Don’t cry.”

Nino glared at the boy. "I'm not crying."

The boy leaned in forward, dropping a soft kiss against Nino’s pale cheeks and Nino’s eyes widened in shock.

“Okay," the boy agreed, looking nonchalant, as if he didn't just made Nino's baby heart pound hard. "My name is Satoshi, meet me here again tomorrow okay? I’ll ask my Mom for an extra lunch box for you, I promise.” the boy, Satoshi said, and started walking.

Meet him?  
  
_Eh?_


	2. Tissue boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited version!

“Satoshi, why are there two lunch boxes in your bag?”

The boy looked up from his drawing pad, the expression on his face made his mother giggle quietly under her breath while he sat motionless, staring dazedly back at her as if he hadn’t heard a word she said.

“I said, why are there -”

“The other one is for my ‘tissue boy’ friend,” he answered, cutting his mother’s words off. He’s probably not even aware of his mother’s confused expression because he just ducked down again, biting the corners of his lower lip as he put his concentration back into his drawing.

“Tissue boy - _friend_?” she asked, putting down her son’s bag at the same time.

Satoshi didn’t even look up this time. “Yeah. Well, that’s just my nickname for him because I forgot to ask for his name.” he replied in a tiny voice and his mother looked all the more confused.

“I’m honestly curious about the ‘boyfriend’ part but let’s discuss the tissue part first, shall we?” she pressed patiently, perfectly aware that her son’s ability to keep up with a conversation is actually ten times slower than that of average kids. She counted to twenty before Satoshi looked up, a little smile forming across his lips as he lifted his drawing pad and pushed it closer to her face.

She drew back and stared, her brows arching in question. “ Who’s that?”

Satoshi grinned and nodded, pointing at the drawing itself. “Tissue boy,” he said. “He was eating them when I first saw him,” he added, his voice suddenly dropped into a whisper much to his mother’s amusement. “I told him those aren’t food and gave him candies instead. But then he started crying so I kissed him on the cheek, just like you always do to Nee-chan when she’s crying and wants something. Also, I promised I’ll bring him food today.” he uttered without pausing.

His mother suddenly burst out laughing. “You did what?!”

Satoshi looked vaguely amused at his mother’s expression, smiled sweetly afterwards and replied.

“Told him I’d bring him food today?”

His mother shook her head. “No, the other thing.”

“ Kissed him?” he mumbled, blinking slowly. His mother looked seemingly amused at the image of her son kissing another boy. It was actually a little disturbing but she couldn’t help but feel giddy at the fact that something caught her son’s attention that clearly wasn’t food or anything that wouldn’t talk to him when he touched it.

She dramatically cleared her throat and reached out, stroking her son’s cheek tenderly. “That’s brave of you, Satoshi, but –“ she paused here, giggling still. He was still staring up at her, patiently waiting for her to continue. She chuckled and ruffled his hair, fond and equal parts entertained. “Never mind that now. Anyway, what I want to know is if I’ll ever get the chance to meet him too, someday, maybe?”

The smile Satoshi gave back was something she hadn’t seen in such a long time and it made her thank the still mysterious little boy that was the sole reason for that bright, happy smile. She grinned and helped him out of his chair, pressing her son’s uniform when Satoshi stood still as if on cue.

He shrugged his little shoulders. “Sure, if he say yes, then I’ll take him home to meet you,” he said after a moment, eyes crinkling adorably at the edges and she couldn’t help but kneel down and squeezed him tight.

“That’s nice. Please invite him over the next time you see him, okay?”

He nodded, hugging her back. Then he pulled away and reached over to press his little fingers into her cheek, smiled when she puffed her cheeks at the gesture in answer, just to see him shriek in glee. Oh, she had the cutest boy, and she loved him to bits.

“I was planning on marrying him too, someday,” he quipped afterward, making her gape at him in answer. “That way, I can just take him home with me. That’s okay with you, right, _Ka-chan_?” he asked thoughtfully and stood looking perplexed the minute his mother started laughing, clutching her stomach and gripping the edge of the table to probably avoid falling over.

“What’s funny?” he asked, pouting.

“Satoshi,” his father called from the doorway, “ Why is your mother laughing like that? Did you eat the dog’s food again?”

Satoshi narrowed his eyes and threw his mother one confused little glare before he strutted his way towards his father, pouting adorably and he held out his right hand for their usual morning hand shake.

“No, Tou-chan,” he said with a huff, turning back to find his mother almost bent over on the floor, laughing. “I only asked her if I could marry the boy I met yesterday, just so he wouldn’t have to eat those tissues again and Ka-chan just started –“

“What, what???”

His dad’s jaw dropped open and his mother’s laughter went up a notch higher, confusing him even more. He shrugged and then pushed his way out the door, shaking his head as the sound of his parents joined laughter echoed through the four corners of their house.

#

“This is stupid,” he murmured to himself, annoyance started creeping up his spine but he didn’t want to admit why; it was probably because of some dazed little boy who promised to meet him today but he couldn’t be so sure. Maybe he was just hallucinating. He grimaced when he heard his stomach growl, hands moving under his shirt and started tapping as if he was trying to calm that hungry monster living inside him. “really, really stupid…”

“Tissue boy!”

“ Eh?”

He whipped around only to be faced with a round-cheeked and panting little boy whom he thought was only a product of his imagination, holding out a yellow-colored bento box while he pretty much trying to keep himself upright, breathing raggedly.

“I’m sorry I’m late… Sensei asked me to stay a little bit longer because -”

“Tissue boy?” Nino asked, filtering the other boy’s words and pointing at himself. The other boy looked vaguely confused for a fleeting second before grinning back, his smile bright and shining.

“ Yes, you. Ah, yes. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you.. it’s just that I forgot to ask your name and my Mom asked me about you and so I told him about you and, you know, the t-tissue?” the boy said without pausing, his voice trailing at the last syllable and looking down as he nibbled on his lower lip nervously.

“Um, I brought y-you lunch?” the other boy said after a while, pushing the bento against Nino’s chest without looking up.

“It’s Nino,” Nino muttered in a huff, grabbing the lunch box from his hand and wrapping his stubby fingers around the other boy’s small wrist. Nino watched him as he raised his face and caught Nino looking. Nino swore his face heated when the other boy smiled.

“That’s my name,” Nino continued, vaguely wondering whether he should thank the other boy or if he should run. “Call me tissue boy next time and I’m seriously going to hit you.”

“Okay,” the other boy said. “Oh, I guess I haven’t told you my name yet?”

“You did,” Nino said, then realized he was still clutching the other boy’s wrist and immediately let go. “Satoshi-kun, right?”

“Yes, that’s my name.”

Nino nodded, then glanced down at the lunch box he had in his hand. “What is this?”

“Lunch,” the other boy quipped. “My mother made it for you.”

Nino made a face, more in embarrassment than anything. “You didn’t have to, you know?” he said, but obviously, his traitorous stomach thought otherwise as it growled noisily in protest, therefore catching the other boy’s attention.

“Of course I did,” the other boy said, hurriedly; this time, he was the one reaching over to curl his fingers around Nino’s wrist to tug him closer. “I wouldn’t want to see you eating those tissues again. It’ll make your tummy hurt. Come on, you’re hungry. You should eat.”

“It’s okay! I’ll just take this home with me –“

“Eh, but you’re hungry now. You should eat now. Come, my house is near here; I’ll take you there and we can eat together.”

“What?”

The other boy nodded and pivoted, before he started walking and taking Nino with him.

“Eh, wait, wait!”

“Don’t worry, home’s not far,” the other boy said, no bothering waiting for Nino to answer. “I told Mom I’ll take you with me to meet them.”

“What?!”

The other boy stopped then, turned and gave Nino a look. “Um, would you prefer it better if I ask you to marry me first?”

Nino gaped, not exactly understanding what the other boy was saying. “What – what are you talking about?”

“I’ll marry you now if that’s what you want. But you’re hungry, so let’s eat first. I mean, I’m kinda hungry myself too, to be honest.”

“You’re not making sense, Satoshi-kun.”

“It’s the hunger, probably.”

“I don’t think so.”

The other boy pursed his lip, and he looked all kinds of determined that the sight of him made Nino giggle despite himself.

“Anyway, I’ll marry you another day. For now, we eat. Let’s go!”

“No, wait, wait!”


	3. Meet the parents

“I’m not going home with you!” Nino screamed, exasperated, fingers gripping the bento box Satoshi just handed him and contemplating between throwing him a punch if not for the fact that Satoshi still had his hand wrapped around Nino’s wrist and tugging Nino along with him. “Let go, _argh_!”  
  
“But I already told my Mom that you’re –“ Ohno said, or at least started to say but he was effectively stopped in mid-sentence when he saw the younger boy scowled even more. “I.. I’m sorry,” he said, pausing to release the other boy’s hand as quickly as he had grabbed it, his eyes watering as if he had just committed the worst possible sin ever.  
  
He looked up to see the younger boy’s expression soften, and it at least made him feel a whole lot better when he saw the corners of the younger boy’s mouth quirked into an easy smile, before he realized that the boy was reaching out to take his hand on his.  
  
“Will you promise not to cry if I agree?” Nino said, barely missing a beat as Satoshi’s face broke into a smile that literally brightened the whole surrounding; he chuckled when Satoshi reached back and tugged him with.  
  
“I wasn’t going to cry, really,” Satoshi said after a while, tightening his hold against Nino’s as they started walking back quietly. “I just – well, I promised my Mom and Dad I’d bring you home to meet them,”  
  
Nino chuckled again. He didn’t really know what the hell was up with the older boy but he guessed it wouldn’t be half as bad as those kids trying to bully him everytime he went home from school. Besides, Satoshi always appeared with food in his hands whenever Nino felt like he’s going to die in starvation.   
  
He tightened his grip against Satoshi’s fingers, allowed the younger boy to lead him forward, smelling the aroma of the lunch he’s gripping close to his chest with his other free hand.   
  
“S-Satoshi?” he called out, taking the older boy’s attention back at him.   
  
“Hmm?”  
  
“Were you serious about, err, the thing you said a while ago? About, you know, taking me home to meet your Mom?”  
  
Ohno’s eyes crinkled in glee. “Yes.”  
  
Nino choked but at least able to hold his surprise in, biting on his lips to keep himself from spluttering.   
  
“D-Does your mother know that I’m, you know, a boy?” he asked, wanting to clear things out before he went and ‘meet the parents’, feeling slightly silly at the thought.  
  
Satoshi grinned and patted his hand with his other free hand.   
  
“Of course,” he said, tugging Nino as Nino literally stumbled face first against Satoshi’s back. “She knows you’re my tissue boy!”  
  
“Your what?”

The other boy simply grinned.  
  
+  
  
Ohno-Mama stared him up and down (mostly down, since he’s just almost the height of her waist), an almost wicked smile playing at the corners of her mouth that Nino couldn’t help but think about his own mother when she’s planning on feeding him raw vegetables for breakfast. He wanted to keep his head down but she had just told him not to, because she said she wanted to see him better.  
  
“You’re sort of beautiful,” Ohno-Mama stated with a soft smile before crouching down to grab his son by the waist and pulling Satoshi close to her. “Isn’t that right, Toshi?”  
  
“I told you, didn’t I?” Satoshi said, reaching over to take Nino’s hand in his and squeezing, letting go when Nino scowled prettily back at him. “but he’s got a sharp tongue, just like Nee-chan’s,”  
  
Ohno-mama laughed boisterously. “Hmm, I bet he and your sister will hit it off like a rocket, I bet they’d be good friends!”  
  
“E-Excuse me, do you really need me here for that? I m-mean, you can talk about me when I’m gone, but since I’m still here, don’t you think it’s a little rude to be –“  
  
“Ah, Satoshi, you’re right! He’s really like your sister!” Ohno-mama exclaimed in glee as she stumbled forward to reach Nino and messed Nino’s hair like a puppy. Nino tried his very hard not to scowl back.   
  
“Gee, thanks,” he muttered under his breath, quietly regretting going home with his accidental friend.   
  
Satoshi giggled against his mother’s neck and Nino felt like flying to the door. But his stomach chose that moment to growl impatiently, thus startling Satoshi and his mother out of their giggling.   
  
“Mom, I think Nino’s hungry,” Satoshi whispered against his mother’s ear, as if it was a big secret that he couldn’t let anybody hear. “Should we go to my room and eat?”  
  
Nino felt all the hair in his body stood up on end, feeling slightly hysterical when Satoshi didn’t even as much as waited for his mother’s response and just opted on crossing the distance between them to take Nino’s hand back in his.   
  
“Come, I’ll take you to my room,” Satoshi said.  
  
Nino shook his head, kept shaking it as Satoshi’s mother giggled quietly to herself. Nino knew she was trying her hardest to be subtle about it, but the way she plastered her palm over her mouth as she stood up and watched her son dragged Nino towards the general direction of his room made the action entirely suspicious.  
  
“No!” Nino exclaimed, tugging his hand back and looking the least affected that he nearly screamed bloody murder even when he was standing in (practically stranger’s) house. “I m-mean, I should probably head home. It’s late, and my Mom is probably tearing our whole street down looking for me, so, yeah.. I should go home,” he said.  
  
Ohno-mama chose that moment to stop Nino from further hurting her son’s pride by standing next to them and taking Nino’s hand on hers, while Satoshi took a good hold of his other, gripping it close to his chest.  
  
“Don’t be afraid, Ninomiya-kun,” Ohno-mama said, with her smile so sweet it made Nino’s insides churned. “Treat this house as your own from now on because I am pretty sure that Satoshi won’t let you go that easily. Besides, isn’t that how it’s supposed to be when you two decide to get married? Soon?”  
  
Nino was sure that Ohno was beaming from head to toe, and he couldn’t help but roll his eyes in return, quietly chastising himself. Then she grinned when Nino shook his head in apparent exasperation.   
  
“But Ma’am, I’m just five years old! Are you sure you guys are okay?!”  
  
Ohno-mama simply laughed.


	4. Meet the OTHER parents

Nino was sure his mother was trying to embarrass him on purpose.   
  
It’s not that difficult to tell, what with the way his mother was circling his accidental friend, smirking with her palm resting under her chin. Nino tried his hardest to keep himself from saying anything that he knew would only earn him his mother’s snarky remarks if he as much as breathed a single inappropriate word without thinking.  
  
“So –“ Ninomiya-mama said with as much seriousness he knew she reserved only for work and for coming up with things to seriously mess with her children’s minds every once and a while. “I heard you’re my son’s fiancé,” she said, pausing to assess Satoshi from where she was standing. “Is it true?”  
  
Nino’s trying to hide his snickers behind his palm as Satoshi looked up, giving Nino’s mother a level-stare without blinking.   
  
“It is, Ma’am,” Satoshi replied, head tilting to the other side in a way too adorable for words and Nino just had to stare at the older boy, appalled and shocked at the way he was staring back at Nino’s mother defiantly. “That is also one of the reasons why I came here, apart from fact that –“  
  
“Ohchan, what the hell!” Nino screamed, stomping his foot with his hands on his hips, scowling at Satoshi and at his mother (who was then grinning so hugely it made her look all the more creepy, but Nino’s not that stupid to tell her that).  
  
Satoshi turned to face him, the same way his mother did, smiling sweetly. “Watch your mouth, Kazu,” she said, waving a finger out at her son and placing a hand over Satoshi’s shoulder and pushing the older boy forward. “Your boyfriend here is being such an adorable gentleman and you’re acting like a bi –“  
  
“Mom, can we please go now? Ohchan needs to go home before dinner and his mom told me to walk him home because she’s sure he’s gonna get lost. So stop teasing him, please?”  
  
Ninomiya-mama gave Satoshi gentle pat in the head before she crouched down to point at her cheek.   
  
“Don’t mind my son, Satoshi-kun, he’s just being a jerk; now give your future mother-in-law a kiss before you go home,” she said, smiling softly. Nino rolled his eyes and was planning on telling his mother off when Satoshi quickly leaned in to press his lips against his mother’s cheek.  
  
“Nice to meet you, Ka’achan,” Satoshi murmured. Ninomiya-mama beamed.  
  
Nino felt like stomping his foot again if not for the fact that Satoshi was walking towards him, hand held out in front of him.  
  
“Walk me home?” Satoshi asked as Nino reached out, threading their fingers together as he blushed; he was fairly sure his mother was quietly giggling to herself even without him seeing her.  
  
 _Ugh_ , Nino thought as Ohno lead him outside, _Mothers really are scary creatures._


	5. The kiss of love

“Oh-chan, are you sure it doesn’t hurt?” Nino asked for what seemed like the fiftieth time in the last ten minutes, keeping an arm around Satoshi’s waist and carefully guiding the older boy to the nearest bench while he was trying not to pass out himself.  
  
Satoshi shook his head, gave Nino the tiniest smile he could muster but it lacked the usual effect as Nino felt like he wanted to blame himself some more for being the reason why Ohchan was in obvious pain right now (even though Satoshi wasn’t saying anything).  
  
“W-We can just stop here if you can’t walk or I can –“ he paused, contemplating between running off to call his Mom for help or anyone who could carry his best friend home so he could treat his wounds as soon as possible.  
  
It was his fault, of course, because he was the one who dragged Satoshi out here to play, bullying the older boy to rent a bike for him as well as teaching him how to ride it; Satoshi had pouted but otherwise gave in to Nino’s bullying, handing Nino a thousand Yen which almost made Nino’s eyes popped from their socket, because, seriously, why in hell does Oh-chan have so much money in him every time?  
  
They rode it for about twenty minutes before Nino eventually got tired of yelling profanities to Satoshi’s face everytime he felt like he was about to fall over, and his genius best friend looked about as confused as ever, standing besides Nino and the bike and doing his level best not to get crushed by their combined weights.  
  
Ten minutes after, while Nino was just getting back from buying them both something to drink (from Ohchan’s change, of course), Nino got back to the sight of the bike gone from where he’d left it and then seeing it moving speedily from somewhere and his stupid best friend riding it, the usual sleepy expression gone in an instant as Satoshi screamed Nino’s name, waving enthusiastically at Nino’s general direction as he pedaled and not the least caring that he was about to --  
  
Nino screamed and dropped everything to the ground, feeling like his heart dropped along with it too when he saw the bike crashed into the nearest bench, and bringing Satoshi down with it.  
  
He swore he just had a mini heart attack there, running with all his might towards his best friend who was then lying very still on the ground. When Nino reached him, his eyes were closed and there were sand all over his face and clothes, blood oozing from his scraped knees and unmoving; Nino was immediately crouching down, reaching out to gently prod Satoshi’s cheek with trembling fingers with his heart on his throat.  
  
When Satoshi finally opened his eyes, mumbling about food and Nino in the same breath, Nino allowed himself to be relieved enough to slap Satoshi on the face before helping the older boy to his feet, grumbling under his breath. Ohno winced then and looked down only to wince again, staring at his bleeding knees, but that’s about it. Ohno looked hurt but there wasn’t even an indication that he was about to cry, much to Nino’s surprise.  
  
He stopped for a bit and Satoshi did too, wincing a little as Nino stooped down to peek at the handkerchief he tied around Satoshi’s knee and grimacing at the blood still oozing from the open wound. Satoshi stood unmoving, just letting Nino as Nino very gently wiped the blood running trails down Satoshi’s legs with shaking fingers.  
  
“It’s still bleeding, Oh-chan,” Nino whispered, eyes trained on the blood-soaked hanky, fingers gripping the back of his best friend’s knee and willing himself not to bawl at the sight; it did look painful but everytime he asked Satoshi, the older boy only kept shaking his head and smiling at Nino as if it didn’t hurt at all. Nino couldn’t decide whether to believe the older boy because it did seem like Satoshi just didn’t want to worry him. “ – I…”  
  
“Nino,” Satoshi called, dropping a hand on top of Nino’s head and nudging Nino to look up, which Nino did after he’d managed a deep, calming breath enough to keep himself from crying like a baby. Satoshi was smiling at him when he raised his head, hand moving to his shoulder. “ – it doesn’t hurt that much, don’t worry. I’ve had worst injuries than this, so I’m kinda used to the pain. Besides, you’re here to patch me up, so –“ Satoshi said with a grin then paused, tugging Nino by the shoulder and pulling him up. “Let’s just go home – to yours – since mine’s a little far and I don’t think my Mom would like it if she sees me like this again –“  
  
Nino wiped his eyes with the back of his palm, thankful that Satoshi didn’t call him out on it before promptly dropping down on his knees and leaning down to press his mouth against Satoshi’s wounded knee, careful not to press too close to avoid getting Satoshi’s blood on his mouth and then pulling back just as quickly.  
  
“You’ll be fine now, Oh-chan,” he muttered, convincing not only Satoshi but more so himself as he let himself be pulled up, nodding as he moved forward to wrap his arms around Satoshi’s waist, fitting himself perfectly against his best friend’s body. “L-Let’s…”  
  
Nino felt a reassuring pat against his hand that’s curling firmly against the curve of Satoshi’s waist.  
  
“Let’s go, Kazu,”  
  
#  
  
Nino had finished cleaning Satoshi’s wound, and he couldn’t say he was momentarily relieved to realize that the wound wasn’t that big to be stitched up or something. Satoshi was even better at lying down and instructing Nino what to do while the older boy chewed on the onigiri Nino found in the fridge (which his mother probably left for him, thankfully) while Nino panicked around a little as he tried to locate their first aid kit.  
  
Now Satoshi was seated on the edge of Nino’s bed and Nino was crouched down on Satoshi’s feet, examining his work by constantly poking at Satoshi’s uninjured leg.  
  
“It’s fine now, don’t worry so much,” Satoshi mumbled, poking Nino right back and giggling when Nino scowled; he still didn’t get why Satoshi didn’t even cry, when Nino was sure that if it had been him, he’d probably scream at Satoshi’s face and tell him to go leave him alone and to maybe never show his face to Nino ever again. Ohno poked him again, smiling although his gaze seemed softer, fonder. “Are you still worried, Kazu?” Ohno asked.  
  
Nino shook his head and shrugged. “Not really,” he lied, lowering his eyes down the floor. “I was just wondering why you didn’t cry; why _you_ never cry,” he said, catching Satoshi’s swaying foot before gently running his fingers along Satoshi’s calf, his other free hand tracing the no-longer-there blood trails. “I’m sure this hurt like hell and I was afraid you’d bleed to death, but you didn’t even –“  
  
“It doesn’t hurt as much as you think it does,” Satoshi cut him off with an abrupt foot-wriggle, grinning when Nino pinched him back in retaliation. “ – and besides, you already gave it your special brand of healing kiss, so it’s fine. It doesn't hurt now, I promise,” Satoshi added with a wink and Nino tried covering his blush with a scowl, but he knew Satoshi could see right through him because the minute he pushed himself away, Satoshi’s hand was already there to tug him right back.  
  
The next time he blinked, he realized he was enveloped inside the warmth of Satoshi’s embrace and his face was firmly tucked against the hollow juncture between Satoshi’s neck and shoulder, and Satoshi was murmuring his thanks against Nino’s shoulder blade.  
  
“I don’t mind getting bruises or cuts or injuries if it means Kazu’s going to be the one to take care of me,” Satoshi added softly, breathing his words directly through Nino’s ear and Nino couldn’t help but feel delighted at the fact that Satoshi trusted him that much.  
  
Nino hid his smile against Satoshi’s neck, lifting his arms to wrap them around Satoshi’s back.  
  
“You’re an idiot,” he whispered back as Satoshi fitted himself against Nino’s, humming his response and tightening his hold around Nino’s waist.  
  
“But you love me,” Satoshi murmured.  
  
“Yeah,” Nino admitted around a breathy chuckle. “ – and I guess that makes me the bigger idiot, then,” he answered in clear fond exasperation.  
  
Satoshi grinned and pulled back enough to drop a sound kiss against Nino’s cheek, looking mighty smug and grinning.  
  
“But you love me!” Satoshi insisted, repeating it until Nino smacked him upside the head for being a nuisance, but nodding just the same when Satoshi asked him again, and again, and again. Nino realized he was still nodding by the time Satoshi tugged him to the bed and asked him if they could nap together for now.  
  
He nodded and quickly pecked Satoshi on the cheek before pushing the older boy to his side and not letting him shift back by throwing a leg over Satoshi’s own, trapping him there.  
  
Satoshi whined but Nino stayed firm; he just convinced himself he was just doing it to shut his best friend’s mouth up after all.


	6. Motion sickness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set a few years after Part 5. Ohmiya are older here, but still the cutest XD

Nino was sure that if he’s not off this stupid thing now or at least in the next few minutes, he was going to either pass out cold or die.  
  
Neither was a comforting thing to begin with and so he was doing his best to whine and complain as loud as he could because he knew that acting like an unbearable brat would be his only way to escape this horrible predicament without actually revealing the true nature of his, err, unnecessary whining.  
  
He didn’t care though, because Satoshi was not the one suffering here but him. The jerk was actually enjoying every single moment on this damn thing, mumbling to himself and grinning like a lunatic whenever he thought something was biting his bait, his whole face lighting up like some red-faced monkey and barely sparing him a glance before the bastard was back to leaning over to the other side to check his rail.  
  
And honestly, he couldn’t remember how many times he’d thought of kicking Satoshi so hard he would end up on the water, to watch the other guy as he flailed and gasped like the fishes he adored so much but thought better of it; he couldn’t even as much as move to gaze around enough to wander if this tiny rowboat was still floating on the Japanese water and if they were somehow still fishing within the Japanese border without his insides wanting to crawl out of his mouth if he as much as move a single finger.  
  
He groaned quietly when the tiny row boat rocked along with the motion of Satoshi’s body, as his stupid bestfriend had yet again leaned over the tiny boat’s railing to check if he still had his bait on. He couldn’t understand what was enjoyable in this stupidly stupid hobby his bestfriend learned to like a few months ago – sitting on a tiny rowboat (which his bestfriend had apparently borrowed from a friend of a fishing buddy) under the blistering heat of the sun, with only the sounds of the lapping water and the cooing of some distant birds as company.  
  
At least this time, Satoshi was not alone (though he kind of regretted even saying yes to his bestfriend’s invitation, because just two seconds after this tiny damn thing started rocking, he realized he was going to be sick) – he was with him, afterall, but then he immediately felt vaguely abandoned the minute he started whining about going back to where it’s dry and steady and he could put his feet on the ground without wobbling, while trying hard not to puke his brains out because his bestfriend was apparently much better now at tuning him out than he was before.  
  
Half an hour after they set sail, he swore this would be the first and last time he would ever set his foot on this damn thing ever again; never, no matter how much Satoshi beg or even how many free lunches Satoshi bribe him with. Never. Never again.  
  
The tiny rowboat rocked again when Satoshi went back to sit, munching on a piece of bread as he did so.  
  
“See, nothing’s biting,” he gritted, his eyes half-closed; “Can’t we just go back? I’m sure there are no fishes around this part,” he followed, trying his best to keep his voice softer this time.  
  
“Uh oh,” was Satoshi’s vague reply and he kind of felt justified wanting to scream at his bestfriend’s face. Satoshi looked as if he wasn’t aware that he was seconds away from wanting to strangle the other guy’s neck – the only thing holding him back was the fact that it would require moving from this spot in order to kill the bloody bastard.  
  
Which he certainly wouldn’t about to do if he wanted to remain conscious until the other guy had decided to turn this tiny boat back to the docks.  
  
“You do know I am going to fucking kill you, right?” he muttered in between gritted teeth, tasting bile on his tongue when the tiny boat swayed again. “Fuck –“  
  
Satoshi made an almost satisfied-sounding hum at the back of his throat before he replied him with, “Well, you do know that to be able to do that, you’d have to leave that sorry spot you’ve been sitting your ass down for the past half-hour, right?” Satoshi breathed back, sounding vaguely amused and exasperated all at the same time.  
  
“Too bad, we’d have to stay here until I catch something or we’re never –“  
  
He was going to be sick. “Satoshi, you damn bastard, I swear to god, this is the last time –“ he managed to say before he was leaning over and throwing up the remains of his breakfast, vaguely feeling the tiny boat as it swayed when his bestfriend left the other end to join him, hands soothing up and down his back.  
  
“I told you to try the ginger biscuits I brought with me, but you didn’t want to eat it,” Satoshi told him when he’s finally done puking his insides out, gasping for breath and feeling like he’s going to die any moment. “Or at least the Dramamine?” he shook his head. “So stubborn,” Satoshi commented drily.  
  
He’s got his face buried against the back of his palm, miserably moaning against it as he was kneeling against the tiny rowboat’s railing while wishing it was strong enough to hold them both, at least until they were safely back on the ground. Damn, now he was thinking of the worse possible ways the two of them could die out here, either by drowning when this tiny thing collapsed or something or god forbid, if some pissed off shark or crocodile came strolling by and attack them.  
  
He shuddered.  
  
“You’re not the one who’s near to dying, Oh-chan, so you’re one to talk,” he mumbled, feeling miserably pathetic as his bestfriend’s hand continued rubbing his back.  
  
“You’re overreacting, Kazu,” was Satoshi’s simple answer, “You’re just dizzy – motion sickness, it’s what it’s called and it’s very easily remedied,” Satoshi even found the balls to lecture him about fucking motion sickness. “You can either eat the biscuit or take the Dramamine, and you’ll see, all of those sick feeling will go away,”  
  
“You know I hate the taste of ginger and Dramamine has side-effects on me, I’ve tried taking that before, so no.”  
  
“What do you want me to do then?” the older guy mumbled after a few beats, seemingly lost all interest in arguing. Well, he couldn’t blame him anyway, he’d probably end up doing the same if he was on Satoshi’s place.  
  
He raised his head and did his best to squint at his frowning bestfriend.  
  
“Take this damn thing around so we can go home, what else?” he muttered, hearing his bestfriend heaving a deep sigh afterwards.  
“But you agreed to come with me,” Satoshi insisted, like he didn’t already know that. But then again, it wasn’t his fault that he forgot there was a reason why his mother never allowed him to go boating with friends even when he was younger, or the fact that even the simple things as riding buses or trains made him dizzy sometimes. “And I was kinda expecting you’d like fishing too,”  
  
“And besides, weren’t you the one who kept complaining about us not being able to spend some time together since I moved to Tokyo for college? And I promised you we’d spend the whole summer break together, doing what you and I liked most, right?”  
  
Right, as if he also didn’t know that! Of course he knew, he was the one who had been complaining about losing his bestfriend over his new friends and classmates and now, this new hobby too, afterall. He was the one, who proposed spending the entire summer break together to do everything they liked, to try and make up for the time they had to spend apart because of school.  
  
And it was only the first day since Satoshi came back from Tokyo (he came back the night before, but they had been planning this on the phone since two weeks back) but he’s already on the verge of telling his bestfriend to shut the fuck off like a first-grade jerk.  
He heaved a sigh as deeper as the waters surrounding them.  
  
“I don’t think it’s my fault that I get sick riding this thing, Oh-chan,” he mumbled, at least sounding half-apologetic as he could manage. “And honestly, I really, really want to do this with you but –“  
  
Something heavy and warm draped over his shoulder and he realized his bestfriend had just leaned down to rest his forehead against him, his bestfriend’s hair tickling the side of his face.  
  
“I know,” came the soft answer and he didn’t know why that particular tone on his bestfriend’s voice was enough to make him feel a little better. “I’m happy you’re trying, though it seemed like it’s really not working,”  
  
He huffed, shrugging his occupied shoulder and giggling quietly when the motion made Satoshi pulled away. The warmth coming from Satoshi’s skin was gone but his bestfriend’s hand was back to rubbing soothing circles down his spine and it felt good.  
  
“I’m sorry, Oh-chan,” he said, finally, when he could raise his head without feeling like he was about to get sick again. “I really am. I hope you know how much I –“  
  
“It’s fine,” came the answer and Satoshi’s hand stilled against the fabric of his shirt. “We can just try the other things we talked about on the phone, and maybe, we’d both enjoy that,”  
  
“Hmm,”  
  
“Without making you sick or anything,”  
  
“Right,”  
  
“I miss you, Kazu,”  
  
He turned just as his bestfriend leaned forward again, pecking him on the cheek.  
  
“You do realize I just threw up, right? Like, not even two minutes ago?” he mumbled, blushing; Satoshi looked like he couldn’t care less and pecked him on the nose this time.  
  
“Eww, Oh-chan, that’s gross! You’re gross, eww, can you leave me alone and maneuver this damn thing from here so we can go home?”  
  
Satoshi was giggling, happy and beaming, drawing him closer and hugging him tight that the action made the tiny boat swayed dangerously side by side.  
  
“Oh-chan, oh my god, stop that! We’re going to die, oh my god!”  
  
“See, you’re not dizzy anymore! And all I have to do was distract you! Why didn’t I realize it earlier?”  
  
“Let me go, you creep and stop swaying the boat, oh my god, we’ll drown and some shark might come by and –“  
  
“Kazu, you’re so cute!”  
  
“Screw cute, get us out of here!”  
  
“Still cute! My cute Kazu!”  
  
“I hate you! And I’m never going near the sea with you ever again! Oh my god, it’s still swaying, oh my god, we’re going to die!”  
  
“Ha ha ha ha!”  
  
“Oh-chan!!!!”


	7. Fall through

It would have been easier to pretend that nothing’s changed – that he and Nino were still the same Oh-chan and Kazu who met one day and had been stuck together ever since. Sure they were older now – he’d be eighteen in a month’s time and Kazu had just turned fifteen a few months back – but even then, he didn’t think it had been reason enough to see things in a completely different light the way he’s seeing them now.  
  
Ten years was long enough for people who are not blood-related to be stuck together the way he and Kazu had been since day one. In fact, it had been way too long that every single memorable moment from his childhood mostly included (at least those that were stuck in his head and that he could recall quite vividly) those days he had spent with Nino. It must have been weird for other people who don’t know them, but for him it was quite the opposite – being with Nino felt somehow natural, familiar – almost as easy as breathing.  
  
It hadn’t only been him and Nino who had gotten so close over the years but their families as well. His mother had been there to hold Nino’s mother’s hands when Nino’s father left her and their kids for another woman; he too had been there, sticking by Nino’s side when Nino had found it difficult to understand why his father’s never coming back to stay with them, ever.  
  
He had been there to cradle Nino when Nino had found secluding himself away from his family to be rather comforting, keeping to himself and not allowing anyone – not even his own mother -- to see how badly his father’s betrayal had affected him.  
  
He’d been there to make sure Nino had someone to lean against when he got tired of staring into nothing, to hold Nino’s hands when Nino shook and trembled and asked no one in particular if it was his fault that his Dad left.   
  
Those times when he wished he had been old (and wise) enough to tell Nino that it was not his fault, it never was, that his father was nothing but an old, scheming bastard. Or that to be honest, it had been for the best that he left instead of making Nino and his family suffer because of his selfishness. He wished he had told Nino that.  
  
It was also from that moment, he realized, when Nino had started to be more than a little possessive when it came to him.  
  
It was then when Nino started being extra clingy, possessive to the point where he had to give up being friends with those two boys he befriended in his class because the moment Nino learned about these ‘other’ friends, Nino’s reaction had been to sulk for the entire week and going as far as ignoring him until he literally begged on his knees for Nino’s forgiveness.  
  
He’d known Nino as someone who liked to touch – things or people, it didn’t really matter. It must have been part of Nino’s nature to feel things when he’s comfortable enough to do so, like it was Nino’s way of conversing when he didn’t particularly liked talking.   
  
And it was never an issue for him – for them – because he was never a talkative person to begin with, and that being friends with Nino had allowed him not to talk as much (just how he liked it), only when he really needed to. He and Nino had this weird way of understanding each other even without talking, and he guessed it was okay, being that way since the ‘we’d rather be touching than talking’ part always worked well for them.   
  
He was ten and Nino was seven by then, still so young to notice how people around them (at least those who knew that they were not brothers) would roll their eyes at them when they saw them with their joined fingers or with another’s arms wrapped around the other’s waist; or how both their mothers would hide their snickers behind their palms when Nino would simply throw himself on his back and he would carry the younger boy around wherever he wanted to without even as much as batting an eyelash.   
  
It also didn’t came to him what it actually meant telling his parents (and Nino’s mom) repeatedly then, about marrying Nino someday until he was old enough. Back then, all he knew was that he hated the sight of Nino’s face when he’s crying – like the world had stopped being how it was before, like it stopped being the place it should be when Nino cried unhappy tears.   
  
Nobody dared to correct him then, not his own mother or even Nino’s, about his apparent desire to marry Nino. All he knew then was that he wanted to be like his father – working for his family day in and day out, and to be there for his children and wife when he needed him.  
  
He didn’t know the difference really – he just wanted to be someone like his Dad – someone who could protect Nino from anyone who would hurt the younger boy, someone who could make Nino happy the same way his father was to his mother.  
  
Such closeness, which always seemed to be few steps further than what people deemed safe and normal, was what he had started wondering about especially when he got older.   
  
He didn’t know how silly it must have been for their parents to hear their son promised another boy that he’d marry him, until now – when he had insisted on bringing Nino home to his parents’ house to rest and watching over the younger boy closely as Nino napped on his bed.  
  
Not until his mother had came in to check on them – her expression veering in between fondness and something else he couldn’t read as she came in with snacks and medicine for Nino’s dizziness.   
  
“He’ll be fine, Satoshi,” his mother had said in a tone that suggested she’d rather be saying something else, and he barely raised his head to acknowledge her. “Don’t worry so much about him,”  
  
He’s not worried, not really, and he wanted to tell his mother that but he didn’t know how to phrase his thoughts without sounding like a complete idiot. It was one thing for his parents to know that their son had cared so much for a boy who had been his bestfriend since his childhood days, but knowing that he felt something more for him than what should have been was another.  
  
He heard the door to his room opened and closed, and he released the breath he realized he was holding, leaning in closer to rest his cheek against Nino’s temple, before dipping down to feel Nino’s eyelashes fluttering against his skin. They’re breathing almost in tandem now, and he wondered, not for the first time, why it felt as if the whole world could remain on pause just as long as Nino’s here, and real, pulling back enough to watch as Nino slept peacefully within his reach.   
  
“This is all your fault, you know?” he whispered, brushing Nino’s bangs away from his eyes, letting his fingers linger for a little while longer against the corners of Nino’s brows. “All your fault because you –“  
  
He shook his head, his thoughts colliding against one another. He didn’t know – didn’t think that there would ever come a time that he’d turn to look at Nino and know that he wanted more than what they had now – touch him more than he was normally allowed, hold him like he belonged to no one else.  
  
When he raised his head and saw Nino’s face again, he knew.   
  
He’d have to make those promises come true.


	8. There for you

He didn’t know he had fallen asleep until much later, when he woke up to a finger poking him on the nose and a bony elbow jabbing him on the chest. The feeling was actually unpleasant but instead of pushing the culprit away, he found himself smiling like a certified retard.  
  
“What are you smiling about?” snapped Nino, who was apparently lying half on top of him, he realized, opening his eyes to the sight of his bestfriend’s smirk and adorably messy hair.  
  
Squinting, he reached up to touch Nino’s cheek, feeling his bestfriend’s scowl melting beneath his palm. Nino’s eyes were a couple of shades darker under the dim light of his bedroom, his complexion pale and smooth in contrast of his own tanned skin.  
  
“Nothing,” he mumbled, grabbing hold of Nino’s other elbow and shifting a little to accommodate Nino’s weight fully. Nino rolled his eyes in response but otherwise allowed him the luxury of moving the younger boy so he could breathe properly.  
  
“You suck at lying, Oh-chan,” Nino whined back and shifted, burying his face against Ohno’s neck. “Come on, spill it; were you dreaming about something? Oh my god, don’t tell me you were having wet dreams about someone – ewww,” Nino gagged, pushing him away and making disgusted faces as he did so. He laughed and grabbed his bestfriend’s arm and pulled him back down onto him, before worming his arm around the small of Nino’s back.  
  
“Don’t be stupid,” he told the side of Nino’s neck, breathing in deeply and savoring the moment as much as he could. There are so many things he wished to say, now, but he didn’t know how to begin and if it was even the right time to say them. He didn’t want to admit it but he knew he was afraid to uncover one thing he knew would be the end of something and a definite start of something else, because from then on, he knew there’d be no turning back.  
  
And he was not sure he was willing to risk losing this long-standing privilege of being able to hold and cuddle Nino just because he chose not to be patient.  
  
That’s just so not like him.  
  
“Were you dreaming of food then?” Nino insisted with another poke on his side, pulling him out from his unnecessary thought-wandering. “Fish? Some girl you left behind from school? Or, don’t tell me, a boy?”  
  
He smacked Nino across the head and felt Nino’s quiet giggles rocking his slender body. He wrapped his arms tightly around Nino, moved to bury his nose against the crown of Nino’s head and inhaled the familiar scent of Nino’s shampoo mixed with the salty scent of the sea. This was something he knew he’d miss when had to leave for school again, wishing he could bottle up his bestfriend’s scent and keep it with him wherever he go.  
  
“To tell you the truth, none of those silly things you mentioned just now,” he told Nino, feeling a sudden ache inside him when Nino wriggled out of his hold so he could raise his head and stared at him.  
  
“What then,”  
  
He blinked and chuckled when Nino’s scowl began to appear.  
  
“I was just dreaming about the first time I saw you –“ he lied, even though it was not really that for from the truth, smiling a little when that particular memory came back in such vivid clarity. “ – eating those scented tissues for lunch,”  
  
Nino did scowl then, before smacking him on the chest not-so-gently.  
  
“Thanks for reminding me,” Nino muttered, his smile gone from his face. “ – and for laughing at the pain I had to endure during –“  
“ – ‘am not laughing at your pain, Kazu, you know that,” he cut Nino off with a hand around the back of the younger boy’s head, stopping him from further talking and from actually pulling away. He knew how painful that memory was for Nino, afterall, because it had been that time when Nino’s father had started showing signs of pulling away from his family before leaving them completely.  
  
“Then, what?”  
  
He pulled Nino down and pressed his lips against Nino’s forehead.  
  
“I’m just happy that I was there that day,” he murmured, grateful for the fact that fate brought him there when Nino needed him most, then, “ – that it was me who found you then and not somebody else,”  
  
Nino was silent for what seemed like a whole minute before he felt the tell-tale tremble of Nino’s body, and then the feel of something warm spilling against the side of his face.  
  
“What perfect way to ruin the mood, seriously, Oh-chan,” Nino said, low and scratchy, fingers tight against the collar of his shirt.  
He hummed but didn’t say anything until he was sure he was not about to spill anything unnecessary, guarding his tongue and choosing his words carefully.  
  
“I know I haven’t said anything about it but I want you to know how thankful I am for you,” he told Nino, softly, fingers reaching up to trace the side of Nino’s face. He’s thankful for so many things, not just the ones he opted on mentioning but mostly the ones he obviously couldn’t – wishing that someday, when the right time comes and he was ready to say the words out loud, Nino would still be there to listen.  
  
For now, he’d have to be contented with the fact that his bestfriend was not going anywhere, that when he came back to visit from school, Nino would be here, waiting for him.  
  
Nino need not say anything in return, but he could tell with the way Nino had ducked down to hide his face under his chin that he knew it too.  
  
+++  
  
They were eating dinner back in his room when the talk about Nino’s future plans came up.  
  
“College?” Nino shot him look and shrugged. “I haven’t thought about it, really,” Nino said simply, before going back to slurping his noodles.  
  
“But you’d be graduating next school year,” he told him, “And well, now’s the right time to think about which course to take and school you want to go to,”  
  
Nino just shrugged again. “I don’t think we have the money for college,” he said, “and besides, Nee-chan didn’t go to college either, so I think that goes without saying that I’m not going, too,”  
  
He shook his head stubbornly. He’s not about to let this go so easily, knowing Nino’s equal stubbornness. He knew of Nino’s capacity, and he was fairly sure there are a lot of schools out there who’s offering full scholarships to smart kids who couldn’t finance their own college tuition fees.  
  
“So you don’t have money for school, what of it? You’re the best in your class, Kazu, and I’m sure you can ace those scholarship exams if you –“  
  
“I’ll think about it,” Nino coldly cut him off.  
  
“Kazu –“  
  
Raising a hand and shoving a piece of shrimp tempura into his mouth to obviously shut him up, Nino smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes this time.  
  
“I said I’ll think about it,” Nino said, tapping the tips of his nose with his thumb. “Now, eat,”  
  
Neither of them said anything until they’re done with dinner.  
  
#  
  
It was late and Nino ended up staying the night. They were on his bed, lying next to each other, with Nino’s head pillowed on one of his arms, just like the old times.  
  
“Were you serious about wanting me to go to college?” Nino asked, just loud enough to be heard through the lingering silence of his dark bedroom. “Because you know, we’re not as well-off as your family and my mother –“  
  
He moved his hand and caught Nino’s wrist under their shared blanket.  
  
“Yes,” he said, then, “I know it’s not going to be easy, but it’s for your future, Kazu, you know that,”  
  
“What if I don’t want to go to college?” Nino said after a while, “What if I’m content with being what I am now? I don’t really have to, you know? Keeping the money issue aside, what if I’m okay with staying here and helping Mom and Kazue in managing the shop?” Nino insisted, stubborn as ever.  
  
Well, he couldn’t dispute the fact that in the end, it would still be Nino’s decision. But their family’s tiny ramen shop hadn’t been earning enough to support their family, most especially after Nino’s father had left them with a staggering amount of debt before he disappeared with another woman.  
  
“That’s your choice,” he said, his words barely escaping his mouth. “But I’m sure you are aware that your mother could barely keep the shop afloat – if you really want to keep it, one of you should try something else – I don’t know, really but I think –“  
  
“If I agree, will you come with me when I had to take those stupid scholarship exams?” Nino asked him.  
  
He nodded. “Sure thing,” he said, “Would you like me to check if my school’s offering any scholarship programs as well?”  
  
He felt something warm and soft pressing against his cheek, before he got a noseful of Nino’s hair as Nino shifted closer, arms wrapping around his neck.  
  
“School has turned you into something else, Oh-chan, it’s creepy,” he said, but not without so much fondness that he found himself grinning so wide he was afraid his mouth would split in two.  
  
He gathered Nino in and dropped a kiss on top of Nino’s head, wanting to say because I love you and if I can, I want you near me every single day, for the rest of our lives, but opted on –  
  
“Well, that’s what bestfriends are for, I think,”  
  
Nino was silent for a moment before he whispered, quiet and barely audible,  
  
“ _Best friends_. Right.”


	9. Confessions of a teenage heart

“I can’t believe I let you talk me into playing this game again,” his best friend complained with a pout, staring at the game controller in his hand like it held the answers to all of his ridiculous questions while him on the other hand, was trying to keep a straight face, and outright failing.  
  
“Why?” he huffed and leaned back comfortably on the couch, stretching before pulling his legs underneath him.   
  
Ohno blinked and stared at him like he’s crazy. “Because in all the fifty times I played this game against you, I never won, not even once. It’s either you’ve perfected this game judging with the numerous times you played it, or you cheat,”  
  
He rolled his eyes at his best friend’s yet again ridiculous accusation, flexing his fingers and grinning at the same time.   
  
“Hah! Why can’t you just accept the fact that you suck at gaming? It’s not my fault that I’m better at this than you,”   
  
His best friend stared at him, looking slightly incredulous.  
  
“I knew I should have insisted on the dance dance revolution instead,” his best friend retorted, sounding disappointed. “At least I’d have a fifty-fifty chance of winning that one since your stamina’s pretty bad – two minutes of dancing and you’re already huffing like a seventy year old grandfather.”  
  
He was immediately springing from his seat to shove his best friend, screeching loudly.   
  
“Shut up, you jerk,” he growled, but he knew it lacked the bite when he could already feel the corners of his mouth quirking in his futile attempt not to laugh. He’s got his fingers clawed against the collar of his best friend’s shirt, rolling over to straddle his best friend’s waist as the other guy tried to wriggle away from being imprisoned under his full body weight.   
  
“What, I’m only telling the truth – _aww,_ that hurts, Kazu!” his best friend fretted when he all but reached down to pinch the other guy’s side.   
  
“Take it back, you old twit! You do realize you’re decades older than me and yet you talk like you’re –“  
  
“Decades? I’m only three years older than you are, you brat!”  
  
“Hah, see you just admitted it!”  
  
“I’m not admitting anything – hey!”  
  
There were fingers working their way under the hem of his t-shirt and inside, before he realized he was being tickled like crazy in retaliation, until he was reduced to nothing but a giggling mess of limbs and nerves. His best friend then used the opportunity to flip their positions over, till he ended up underneath his best friend’s weight and vice-like grip, his arms trapped uselessly on either side of his head.  
  
It was still pretty much all play then, until he realized his best friend had gone awfully quiet and the only thing he could hear are the combined sounds of his and his best friend’s ragged breathes.  
  
He raised his head and was met with a gaze so intense he felt his insides ached, his body shivering at the intensity.  
  
“O-Oh-chan?” he rasped out, unsure of what he should say afterwards, feeling his best friend’s fingers around his wrist, his touch was light and barely there as the older guy leaned down to press their foreheads together. “H-Hey.”   
  
“Kazu, Toshi, are you guys wrestling on the couch again? I swear to god, if you break that one, you’re replacing it,” his Mom called from possibly the kitchen and his best friend was scrambling on his feet, letting him go at the same time.  
  
“Um,” Satoshi opened his mouth to probably say something, but then closed it again immediately afterwards that the action would have possibly looked hilarious if it wasn’t for the fact that his own heart was pounding so hard, like it was trying to beat its way out of his chest.  
  
He crawled back into his previously sitting position, fingers shaking before he gingerly tapped the space next to him, moving the game controllers out of the way and looking up to meet his best friend’s unwavering gaze.   
  
“Aren’t you going to sit down, Oh-chan? I’m going to restart the game and you’re going to do your best to beat me, how’s that?”  
  
“Do I have any choice?” came the pouting question to which he merely found himself laughing half-heartedly.  
  
He shook his head. “No,” he said, then, “Now, sit.”  
  
To his utter relief, his best friend simply nodded and said nothing, sliding to the space next to him, close but still not close enough as they previously were. It was awkward, and weird and something he couldn’t quite put his fingers on but he was positive it had something to do with him.  
  
He was just not sure whether he wanted to know what it meant.  
  
+  
  
Beating his best friend five times in a row was probably the worst thing that could happen, because one moment he was pumping his fist in the air and doing a ridiculously stupid victory pose he was sure would piss the other guy off, and then the next moment, he heard a snoring sound coming from the couch.  
  
The idiot fell asleep and was snoring so loud it was drowning the sounds of the victory music still playing on the television.   
  
“What the –“ he said, or at least started to, but kept himself from further opening his mouth to say anything and just stood there, gaping quietly. It’s not the first time this happened, but the fact that they specifically made a rule about spending time together and sleeping only when they have to (at night, of course, because it made sense) would have been enough to annoy the shit out of him, but in the contrary, he felt kind of relieved.  
  
Well for one, his best friend had been looking at him weirdly since his return from his five-month exile (that’s what he tended to call Ohno’s absence), initiating the touches and the cuddles as if Ohno was him.  
  
But it was awkward being at the receiving end of it all, to be the one initiating the contact instead of the other way around, just like always. There’s something about the way his best friend looked at him now, about the odd ways he sometimes strayed too far as if he was afraid he was venturing too close for comfort.  
  
Quietly, he found himself dropping on his knees and crawling next to the armrest cradling his best friend’s head, his heart beating furiously hard again. It should be alright now, kneeling this close to his best friend’s face and wondering when how to keep feeling this way and not give anything away, because then at least he could watch him and forget about everything else.   
  
He couldn’t deny the fact that even he himself was acting so differently now – well, probably not just now but ever since he woke up to his best friend’s face so close to his, his arms around him as he slept, that he’d never look at him the same way ever again.   
  
It was just difficult to wrap his head around all this when he knew his best friend loved him _only_ like the brother he never had.  
  
There were lines marring his best friend’s forehead, and he couldn’t help but scoff lightly at the thought of his best friend dreaming about something he didn’t have any idea about, before he reached over to smooth the lines tenderly, careful not to press too hard and wake the other guy by doing so.  
  
“When you said you wanted me to go to college, is it because you already got tired of taking care of me? Tired of indulging my silly little games and my endless whining about how no one here is as ridiculous as you?” he whispers, leaning in to rest his cheek against his best friend’s own, still careful not to press too close.   
  
His best friend kept breathing, slow and steady, as he put his palm against his best friend’s chest to feel its gentle rise and fall, and raising his other hand to brush the strands of stray hairs that fell over his best friend’s temple.  
  
“Or is it because you --” he says with a pause, stumbling on his words and feeling like his throat was blocked with all the emotions he had kept hidden till now. “Are you in love with someone now, Oh-chan?” he whispered, his voice too low to be heard and his fingers were trembling along with the rest of him.   
  
“It’s possible, what with the way you’re acting lately, but,” he sighed, running the back of his finger against his best friend’s cheek. “But at least – at least make it so I’m ready? Maybe, you can try by pulling away little by little, until I learn how to live without you? It’s just – it’s going to be hard, Oh-chan, because, because –“  
  
He bit his lips, hard enough that he could taste his own blood but it didn’t matter because – because he was going to say it, the words he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to outright tell his best friend and know that it’d all be alright between them afterwards.  
  
“ – because I’m _so_ in love with you, you know?”   
  
He shut his eyes and let the words tumbled out the way he meant them to, wishing he was brave enough to say it when his best friend is awake enough to hear it.  
  
He wished it was that easy.


	10. Better days

He didn’t know how long he stayed on the same position, with his fingers clutching the sleeves of his bestfriend’s shirt, softly nosing his bestfriend’s cheek until he heard the sound of someone coughing lightly behind him, just loud enough to capture his attention.  
  
“Mom,” he mumbled as he slowly peeled himself away from his bestfriend’s still sleeping form without bothering looking up, feeling like a kid who’d just been caught stealing.   
  
“Son,” she mumbled back just as softly, and he barely heard the sounds of her quiet footsteps before he realized she was already there. His face was burning, and his fingers were trembling something bad, knew that he was going to be asked and that there was no way he could stop her from asking, most especially after what she saw, and probably heard, by the looks of it.  
  
He closed his eyes and waited for the inevitable confrontation, and jerked in shock when he all but felt his mother’s arms around him, pulling him to her before she’s pressing a soft kiss against the side of his head and whispering,  
  
“Confessing to a half-dead person, no matter how cute and adorable you think the action is, is stupid, Kazu, don’t you think?” she said in a tone that left him gaping, letting his breath out in rush and turning into her arms to bury his face against his mother’s chest, trembling, shaking all over, like all the unspoken (and mostly unheard) truth about his stupid feelings for his stupid bestfriend had managed to catch up on him without him knowing it.  
  
He should be embarrassed – _he_ was embarrassed – but the way his mother held him close to her was like a gentle reminder that she was still undoubtedly the only other person, aside from his best friend, who knew him through and through and could understand him even without actually saying anything.  
  
“Y-You –“ he said, or at least started to but found it really difficult to let the words out, especially the ones that mattered most. “Y-You heard that,” he said, finally, and it came out as a confirmation rather than a question, his eyes tearing up a little bit more when his mother nodded quietly and mumbled her reply through his hair.  
  
“E-Everything?”   
  
She shook her head, mumbling ‘no’ afterwards but it wasn’t enough to stop the heat in creeping further into his face.   
“Just the last bits,” she said, “But –“  
  
“I know –“ he paused, uncertain, fingers grabbing his mother’s hand and pulling away enough to throw his still sleeping bestfriend a glance, “I know that it’s weird, Mom, but I –“  
  
“ – love him, I know,” she whispered, almost hurriedly that he found himself reeling at the possibility that maybe, falling in love with his bestfriend wasn’t all that bad afterall.  
  
“And?” he prompted, still feeling his uncertainties sizzle across the back of his neck.  
  
She grazed a tender finger across his cheek, pinching him lightly, lovingly before she leaned forward to nuzzle at the start of his hair.  
“And I think, that you definitely should start thinking about what to do about those feelings before they drive you nuts,” she stated lowly with a grin, ruffling his hair and making him want to roll his eyes at her but he couldn’t find the guts to do so – he was too stunned, too grateful to do anything else besides gaping at her for a full minute before promptly breaking into tears.  
  
He was not sure if he’s crying because his mother seemed not to mind that her son was in love with another boy, or the fact that he’s in love and was obviously ten times miserable.  
  
“Kazu,”  
  
“That’s easier said than done, Mom,” he muttered, biting his lips and hating himself for being this person; maybe, if he wasn’t like this, he wouldn’t fall in love with his bestfriend and he wouldn’t feel the need to expect anything more than the friendship – at least more than the usual thing he gets from the other boy since the very beginning. Maybe, if he’s like those normal kids, then –  
  
“Stop beating yourself up just because you think you’re weird or different, Kazunari,” his mother hissed, tugging at him and holding him close, as if she could read his thoughts. “I’m your mother and it is my job to know that you are –“ she paused at this and shook her head, like she was trying not to stumble on her words but knew that she was failing. “ -- you’re beating yourself up for nothing, Kazu. Stop, okay? Stop it. No matter what happens, I’m here, you won’t face anything alone because I’m not going to let you. This --”  
  
“Kaa-chan, Kazu,” a sleepy voice called out from somewhere, and him and his mother whipped around to find his bestfriend squinting at them blearily from his place on the couch, all messy hair and pouting lips. “What’s wrong?” he asked, a bit more alert and awake than he was seconds ago the minute he saw the fresh tears pooling from Nino’s eyes. “Kazu, what’s wrong? Are you okay? Are you in pain? Kaa-chan, what’s –“  
  
He was pushing himself out from his mother’s hold before she could even say anything.  
  
“W-Water,” he mumbled, blushing. “I’ll just – I’ll go get myself something to drink; I’ll be back,”  
  
“Kazu –“  
  
“I’m fine, Oh-chan, just. Go back to sleep, I’m fine,” he repeated before he turned around and headed towards the direction of the kitchen.   
He’s running and he knew it; but for now, she should know that he’s not strong enough to face his fears no matter how brave she seemed to think he is.   
  
Not today, that’s for sure.  
  
#  
  
Nino’s mother remained quiet even after her son disappeared to the kitchen.  
  
He’s up on his feet before his mind registered the action, jerking when he felt the touch of someone else’s hand on his, fingers closing around her wrist and tugging him back down.  
  
“K-Kaa-chan?”  
  
Nino’s mother shook her head, lips pursed. “Leave him be for now, Toshi,” she said, clear and firm, but he couldn’t find it in himself to agree; not when he was convinced Nino was in pain, that the tears he saw on Nino’s face had something to do with him.  
“But –“ he insisted, tugging his hand back but to no avail, because her grip was strong and determined. “K-Kaa-chan, Kazu – he’s crying, he –“  
She kept shaking her head as he let himself sit back down, knees shaking.  
  
“Not now, Toshi,” she whispered, patting his hand, his knees. “Just. Not now, okay?”  
  
He bit his lips and nodded.  
  
#  
  
The sky’s dark and everything around him even darker. He’s not even aware of the time – how long he’d been here or how much longer he’s going to hide here if only to escape the forthcoming questions (not from his mom this time, which made it ten times difficult to answer).  
He’s not sure how long he’d been there, crouched next to the laundry basket as he tried tuning everything out. It’s difficult, because all he could see was his bestfriend’s face, the feel of his bestfriend’s skin beneath his fingers and the way his heart wouldn’t stop beating so fast when he’s near.  
  
He knew he shouldn’t be doing this – sulking in the dark like a crazy person when instead he should be spending all his free time with his bestfriend because the other guy was leaving for school again in two weeks and it’d be another six horrible months before they’re able to see each other again.   
  
But since he’s stupid – “Damn it,” he cursed under his breath because he knew he was going to cry again. He clutched his chest and the pain beneath his ribcage increased ten folds at the memory of his earlier stupidity.  
  
A movement from his left was what made him raise his head, aware at the shadow moving in the dark before it stopped.  
  
“Your mom told me to leave you alone but –“ a beat, and his brain froze at the suddenness, when the shadow stopped talking and resumed moving, until it ended up crouching in front of him, producing a hand and reaching over to touch his face. “ – but Kazu, I – I’m worried… if you’re in pain, if there’s something wrong, you – you know you can always tell me, right?”  
  
He whimpered, tears streaming down his face and the hand shot out to stroke his cheeks, wiping the tears away and cradling the side of his neck.   
  
“Kazu, talk to me,” his bestfriend whispered, the agony of not being able to know what was going on was evident on the tone of his voice.   
He would if he knew where to start – and even so, he didn’t think he was brave enough to start talking when he didn’t even know how and where to begin.  
  
His bestfriend shifted till they somehow ended up leaning against each other and felt his bestfriend’s hand joining his that was still clutching the front of his chest, before his bestfriend leaned down to drop a kiss against the center of his chest.  
  
“Does it hurt here?” his bestfriend asked in a quivering voice, repeating the action and making him tremble even more. “Tell me who hurt you and I promise I’ll hurt them back… just, please don’t shut me out, Kazu… I’m here – Oh-chan is here, you’re not alone, you know that,”  
  
He shook his head as his sobs rocked his whole body, his bestfriend holding him close as he cried.


	11. Walk away

He was able to at least coax Nino to leave the dark corner he had literally threw himself in, hands tender yet firm on their hold around Nino’s waist. He didn’t want to let go even after he had managed to put Nino into bed, crawling in next to Nino when the younger one all but curled himself into a tiny ball once he’s safely tucked under the sheets, quiet and shaking.  
  
He was vaguely aware of Nino’s mother slipping into the room to probably bring them something to drink, then seeing her leave as soon as she arrived the minute she saw her son turned completely around to bury his face against his bestfriend’s neck.  
  
“K-Kazu,” he called out, his tone low and hesitant, like he couldn’t do more than stay still and hold Nino close, like he knew something was bound to happen and that he’d be forced to leave Nino no matter how much he wanted to stay.  
  
His fingers itched to reach out, to smooth the hair off of Nino’s forehead but to do that he’d have to let Nino go – he would if he wasn’t too scared of the possibility of being pushed away, the way Nino would certainly do if –  
  
“W-Why do you that,” Nino was whispering against his neck, fingers splayed against the front of his chest; he’s not that stupid not to know exactly what Nino meant by those words but he found himself mentally withdrawing again, afraid of what Nino might do if he so much as confessed right then and there.   
  
He swallowed the lump forming on his throat and squeezed his eyes shut.  
  
“Do what?”  
  
A beat, and it felt like a whole eternity before he felt Nino’s fingers pulled away, followed with the rest of Nino, and suddenly feeling cold when Nino kept an almost two centimeters distance between them, eyes searching something on his face.  
  
“That – holding me like – _like_ –“  
  
 _Like I would rather die than let you go? Like holding you this close means so much than what it seemed – like it’s more than enough reason for you to believe that I love you more than – more than I’m supposed to_?, his thoughts screamed at him but he chose to bite his lips and swallowed the words down like a fucking coward.   
  
“Y-You’re – h-hurt,” he stupidly muttered, looking down and avoiding meeting Nino’s eyes. “And you know I never liked seeing you like this; if I can help it, if I can do anything to keep you from getting hurt, you know I’d do it, Kazu,” he said lamely, glancing up to look at Nino’s face and wondering what he’s seeing across Nino’s eyes, but it was gone before he could even tell what it was.  
  
“Y-You mean so much to me, you know that,” he added, blinking his tears back before he was tentatively reaching out to touch Nino’s cheek with the tips of his fingers, the urge to hold the younger one tight was too strong he had to literally bite his lips hard just to avoid doing exactly that. Then, “Y-You’re my bestfriend, Kazu, and I – I never liked seeing you in pain,” he followed lamely.  
  
Nino’s lips pursed, the dark shadows under his eyes were suddenly replaced by something even more unreadable – intense even, but something even remotely hard to identify.  
  
“I’m fine,” Nino was saying, but he was too busy trying to read the words Nino wasn’t saying to actually hear Nino, reaching over to touch the nearest available part of Nino he could press his fingers to and gasping when Nino all but shoved his reaching hand away.  
  
There was something in Nino’s gaze that made breathing difficult, something in the way Nino’s lips curled along the edges that told him Nino was in that dangerous crisp between wanting to push everyone away while actually wanting to cling unto them.  
  
He knew because this has happened before; he was just not sure if he would be brave enough to stay when Nino started shoving him away, just so he wouldn’t resolved into blurting something out that he knew with complicate things further.  
  
“Kazunari, you’re not –“  
  
“I said I’m fine, Oh-chan,”  
  
He froze at the tone of Nino’s voice, stilled at the way Nino coolly regarded him with a nod before Nino flipped on his back and stared at the ceiling instead of keeping his gaze locked on his friend.  
  
 _This_ – this he knew exactly how to interpret.  
  
“Do you want me to leave?” he murmured, his chest felt so heavy, his throat dry and scratchy.  
  
Nino didn’t even as much as blink.  
  
“I’m tired,” was the simple answer, his tone void the emotion Satoshi wished he could pinpoint on that usually hear in them but Nino’s eyes told something else. Too bad, Satoshi was too stunned to even notice this, and that the only thing he heard was the painful way his heart was beating and the hurtful way his bestfriend was ditching him as if he was nothing – as if his presence meant nothing at all.  
  
He’s up on his feet in seconds, the bitter taste of rejection lingering strong at the tips of his tongue.  
  
He was by the door when he stopped, fingers shaking against the door frame.  
  
“I-If ever you --- n-need someone to talk to, you know where to find me,” he said without as much as turning round enough to check if Nino could hear him, and willing himself not to turn right back, just so he could try shaking some sense back into his bestfriend’s stubborn head for always shutting people out when he’s on this kind of mood.  
  
He could if he wasn’t on the verge of breaking himself, and if he wasn’t near to confessing his all-too-depressing love for the younger boy if he as much as open his mouth to speak, at least more than what he had already chose to say out loud.  
  
He was probably standing there for about five minutes before he heard the sound of rustling fabric and Nino’s mumbling response of, “Go. I just want to be alone right now,”  
  
He nodded his head and stepped outside.  
  
+  
  
“I can bring out a spare futon for you if you want,” a feminine voice spoke somewhere from his left and he had to raise his head from where he had his face buried against the crook of his elbow to squint at the person walking blithely towards him as he kept his vigil outside Nino’s room.  
It was Nino’s sister.  
  
The house was dark enough to see anything clearly, but he guessed Nino and his mother and sister were used to it that they could navigate the whole house without accidentally bumping into something, like how Nino’s sister was able to cross the way from her room to where he was with so little difficulty.  
  
Still, the darkness wasn’t enough to hide the fact that Nino’s sister was looking increasingly worried with every step, staring at him like she wanted to say something but opted not to when he all but made a face and went back to sulking.   
  
Despite Nino’s wishes to be ‘left alone’, he only ended up stepping outside the room before he found himself backed against the door, wishing he could hear Nino’s voice calling out for him.   
  
Half an hour later, there was still nothing – only silence and the occasional sounds of some rustling behind the closed door he was currently backed against, but nothing more. Still, he chose to stay.  
  
“It’s fine,” he murmured against his arm, wincing at the rather uncomfortable numbness on his legs. “I just – I might go, later. Maybe.” Damn it but it sure felt like he’s about to bawl like a toddler who’s on the middle of his tantrum fit and he couldn’t even find the heart to feel awkward about it.  
  
“You’re both stupid,” Nino’s sister commented, her voice sounded nearer this time but he couldn’t find the urge to check her out, opting on keeping his face mashed against the crook of his arm but acknowledging her presence by humming softly when he felt her by his side, her arm briefly brushing his when she sat down. “I can’t believe my mother chose not to interfere when it’s clear that you’re both suffering because --” she said and stopped and he raised his head to see the way she bit her lips as if she realized she’d said enough.  
  
He was not sure what she was referring to but he figured since she was Nino’s sister and that since she was talking about the two of them, he had to look up and face her properly, just to be polite.  
  
“What?” he blinked owlishly at her, pouted when he saw her mouth quirked, the gesture looked awfully familiar he almost forgot this was Nino’s sister he was talking to and that most of her facial expressions resembled those of Nino’s himself.  
  
She smirked in response and reached to poke him on the cheek. “You’re awfully slow, and stupid and clueless, and I wonder how you couldn’t see it, when it’s actually as clear as day, the way Kazu –“  
  
“Kazue,” they both jumped on their feet when another feminine voice added itself on the conversation, whipping their heads around to find Nino’s mother glaring at them from the doorway of her room.  
  
Both of them were rendered speechless for a whole minute before Nino’s sister found her voice again. “K-Kaa-chan, I was just –“  
  
“No,” their mother simply replied, curtly cutting whatever she was about to say. “This doesn’t concern you or me, I have already told you that, so quit your meddling and go back to your room,”  
  
“B-But –“  
  
“No buts young lady,” their mother interrupted her with a firm wave of her hand. “And I mean it. One more word about this and you bet I’ll device something you know you wouldn’t like. Back to your room, now.”   
  
She then faced him when Kazue tilted her head just the tiniest bit in his direction, as if quietly asking her mother ‘what about him?’.  
  
“Satoshi can stay however long he wants to,” she said, nodding at him. “We don’t need to worry about him because he’s a grown man and he knows what he wants, knows what’s good for him and what’s not, don’t you, Toshi?”  
  
He was fairly certain there was an underlying meaning behind those words but he was not exactly sure what it was so he just nodded, unconsciously tipping his head back to glance at Nino’s door.   
  
His mouth was dry and his throat even drier, bowing as he spoke, “I.. I guess I should just go and maybe, maybe come back when Kazu’s mood is better,”  
  
Nino’s mother simply tilted her head.  
  
“You do that,”  
  
This time, he didn’t give himself the chance to look back as he started walking away.  
  
+++  
  
It was only when he couldn’t hear the sounds of his bestfriend’s footstep did Nino allow himself to slowly fall down the floor, one hand slapped over his mouth and the other he used to clutch at his chest.  
  
It hurt so much – too much, and he didn’t know how to make it stop.  
  
“Oh-chan… _Oh-chan_ …” he called.  
  
But he knew he could no longer hear him.


	12. Too much might still not enough

That night when he went to bed, he dreamt of tear-flavored kisses and painful goodbyes.  
  
Everything was so vivid that when he opened his eyes, he realized he was crying still; his chest felt like it was being squeezed hard by an invisible pair of hands to the point of pain, wheezing like he was breathing underwater and drowning.  
  
He was clutching at his chest as he slowly sat up, blinking at the barely-there sunlight pilfering through his window, and feeling rather disoriented at the fact that he could recall the entirety of his dream in such vivid clarity that he realized he was crying again.  
  
It was early still – too early to wake up feeling like this, like he did the worst possible thing and that there was nothing he could do to correct that mistake no matter what.   
  
He could remember the way his bestfriend had stayed even after he pushed him away, the way his sister had nearly spilled his own damn feelings about said bestfriend if only to end his self-imposed misery and the way their mother had subtly stopped her before she had managed to.   
  
He wondered how everything about his heart-wrenching feelings towards his bestfriend had come to this – how his bestfriend’s return had turned his world upside down without either of them knowing it, and how awfully simple things would have been if only he was brave enough to admit the feelings he’d been hiding for so long now.  
  
Well, maybe not for so long – he’s only fifteen, afterall, and that was one thing his mother had vehemently pointed out to him earlier on; it wasn’t like she was opposing the fact that he had fallen in love with her bestfriend, only that she wanted him to be sure of it himself before he head on and confess.  
  
But then every little thing, and every little decision he did and felt leading up to this point did nothing to appease his growing misery, what with the fact that he was pretty certain his bestfriend did not -- and probably never would, look at him the way he’d been watching his bestfriend for so long now. But he guessed it’s just to be expected when you suddenly found yourself so deeply in love with someone who could never love you the same way you love that person.  
  
He knew. He’d watched that sort of movie before (though he wouldn’t dream of admitting it) and though he didn’t think it would ever happen to him… well. So much for being careful, he figured.   
  
His attention had somewhat shifted to his phone resting on his bedside table next to his PSP at the same time he realized it was almost half-past the hour of eleven in the morning and that no one had even came to wake him up. The blinking light told him that he had unopened messages and probably a few unanswered calls too.   
  
Knowing that there might be messages from Satoshi, his body moved on its own accord that he was barely aware he was throwing his bed’s cover and reaching for the phone on the same breath until he’s got his fingers running across mobile phone’s battered keypad.  
  
There were at least five messages from Satoshi, and three voice messages from him too.  
  
Fingers trembling, he bypassed the messages and went straight to checking his voicemails (he didn’t bother checking which came first and just opened the first one he saw), slapping the phone to his ear and shutting his eyes closed at the familiar sounds of his bestfriend’s breathing on the other end.  
  
… and scrambled out of the bed a minute after, his heart on his throat.  
  
 _Kazu, I… I don’t really know what’s going on but I wish you could have told me. I know something’s bothering you but you seem like you have no intention of wanting to share it with anyone else, most of all with me. We.. we’re bestfriends aren’t we? Aren’t we? We used to share everything with each other, talk about everything and anything but now – I don’t know what I did wrong, or what has happened for you to treat me this way. It’s hurting me, you know? Seeing you break down like that – it’s like a repeat of that time when we were younger. But what hurts me most is the fact that you don’t want to let me in – you don’t want to let anyone in, and I… Kazu, you know I love you, right? B-But – but this is just too much, you shutting me out when the only thing I want is… god, Kazu, I –_  
  
 _I know this is quite sudden but I decided to go back to Tokyo today. Call me when you’re feeling better to talk. I will try to visit when it’s not too hectic in school, like, after a month, maybe. So, yeah. I… will miss you, Kazunari. Bye._  
  
+++  
  
He’s gazing out the window of the bus, watching the familiar view of his hometown fade away from his very eyes. But just like before, when he first left this town in favor of moving into another, his thought wasn’t on the place he was leaving behind but on the person who was the sole reason why he’s leaving this time.  
  
“Kazu,” he breathed his bestfriend’s name, closed his eyes and imagined having him here – the feel of his bestfriend’s slim and shaking body against his was like a faraway memory he didn’t want to forget.   
  
It hadn’t even been that long since that day on the boat – just a few hours since he arrived home – where he had first allowed himself to hold his bestfriend tightly the way he had been imagining for months while he’s away, and the feeling of wanting to keep holding his bestfriend like he’d meant to for years.   
  
He was not aware of the way he feel about his bestfriend before, until after three months of living alone – waking up one morning with this huge urge to see his bestfriend’s face, the deep, unsettling desire to pick up the phone and call him, tell him how empty his life felt like without his bestfriend there.  
  
But he didn’t – he had stopped himself before he even managed to do anything of that sort because he didn’t want to say something he knew was of too much importance over the phone or over some meaningless text message just to get it over with.   
  
Nino was worth more than that, and he intended to show him just how much.   
  
The realization had been one of so many other things he’d overlooked involving his bestfriend and the way he felt about him, but he guessed it couldn’t be helped. He didn’t realize there was something different about the way he feel about the younger boy until some girl he met in one of his university’s acquaintance parties had told him she wanted to take him home with her before giving him a kiss so scandalous that he had to literally claw his fingers into a ball while she was kissing him to keep himself from pushing her off or hitting her square on the face.  
  
His first kiss was with a girl whose name he didn’t even know, wishing then and there that it was Nino’s lips he was kissing instead some random chick he just happened to meet.  
  
He’d planned ahead of time, imagined a few scenarios where he would take his bestfriend’s hands and whisper the things he wished he could be able to tell him without sounding like a complete idiot, but everything seemed to evaporate the minute he look up to his bestfriend’s equally guarded gaze, and making him swallow every word he’d planned on saying if only to avoid the awkward air he was sure would linger on after he had said the words out loud.  
  
But it’s all worthless now – all those stupid plans he’d outlined during those damn nights away from home, things that looked so much better in his head than in reality most especially now that he’d been shut down even before he was able to say anything.  
  
 _This is hopeless_ , he thought bitterly; the equally bitter taste of his first heartbreak lingered at the back of his tongue like a curse. He didn’t think it would be this hard, this difficult to fall in love with someone whom he knew all his life, but it was, maybe more so now when he thought about it.  
  
His phone vibrated from his pocket and he was momentarily brought back to the present, the pain lingering still, throbbing away at his chest. Maybe it was his mother, or his sister, or maybe –  
  
 _You received a mail from Kazu –_  
  
His fingers fumbled on the phone that he almost dropped it, swiping at the screen and opening the message with trembling fingers; he was not expecting any reply from Nino, not after he had tried calling his bestfriend’s mobile for about a thousand times and then ending up leaving a message or two before he boarded this bus.  
  
Expecting a sort of nonsense reply from Nino, he blinked at the now opened message and felt something inside him physically break, heat gathering at the corners of his eyes as he scanned the short message he received from his bestfriend.  
  
 _Oh-chan, don’t go, I –_  
  
 _I love you._  
  
 _I love you, Oh-chan._  
  
 _Please._  
  
He stood up before he even realized it.  
  
“Stop!” he yelled, startling everyone. “Stop the bus! Let me down, I’m going down! Please stop!”


	13. Your secret is safe with me

He ended up trekking the way back to his usual resting place, feeling kind of lost and a little disoriented.   
  
Okay, a little disoriented was seriously an understatement.  
  
It was hot earlier but he couldn’t really bring himself to care over the fact, ignoring the way his shirt was clinging onto his skin as he plopped himself down the nearest shady place he was able to find, gaze lost on the slow stream of the river’s water beyond him.   
  
He could hear the noises of those children playing from a distance but he ignored them all; his chest was acting funny again, the almost unbearable pain he knew would only disappear if he gave way to the prickling heat gathering at the corners of his eyes.  
  
So he did.  
  
His shoulders were shaking something awful as he moved to bury his face in his hands, muffling his sobs against the palm of his hands as if it would change anything. The phone in his pocket remained quiet, and he was acutely aware of _that_ fact as well – wishing he didn’t do what was already done, half-regretting the things he did because he should have known nothing good would come out of it.  
  
It was sort of a last resort on his end, sending that message in his attempt to try and make things right, half-expecting his bestfriend to at least answer his damn message instead of keeping quiet.   
  
But he couldn’t deny the fact that he was also scared – scared of what might be his bestfriend’s reply to the confession he hadn’t mean to blurt out like just like that, but.  
  
But it’s still painful and a thousand times difficult to move forward from here on – not when he knew the memory of his bestfriend’s face would come back to haunt him, the way his bestfriend’s shoulders sagged when he shoved him away or the fact that his confession had been left unanswered.  
  
Would’ve been better if he’d just manned up and told Satoshi what had been bothering him – would have been easier to anticipate what he could have done if he had told Satoshi everything right from the beginning. They were bestfriends, weren’t they? They practically grew up together to know almost everything about each other for him to have acted the way he did and well, he didn’t think he could blame his bestfriend for choosing to turn his back away and leaving him to deal with the aftermaths of his stupidity. He deserved it, didn’t he? He deserved everything that was happening to him now, but still, it didn’t make it any less painful than he wished they would be.   
  
“But I –“ he found himself whispering out loud, paused to gather his thoughts, his voice drowning the sounds those kids were making from a distance. “ – I didn’t mean for you to leave like this,” he muttered, felt the dampness of his palm where he had his face buried against it.   
  
But what was he expecting when he sent that message, anyway? For his bestfriend to come stumbling back as if nothing happened? Expect his bestfriend to forgive him for all the things he did and said (or actually didn’t say, until now) just because he was either too scared or too caught up in his own stupidity to even know what should be said and done, or not?  
  
He wondered not for the first time, what falling in love with his bestfriend had to do with him drowning in this pit of misery he had put himself in, when awful things could have been easily prevented if he’d only taken up Satoshi’s suggestion about communicating – talking – maybe if he did that, he wouldn’t have to suffer this, whatever the hell this is. Satoshi might say no, he might even tell him that they’re better off as friends but then at least there’d be none of these _not knowing what the fuck was running through his bestfriend’s head_ , and they could probably continue on as friends the way they’ve always been, but.  
  
“Yeah, yeah, I know I’m stupid,” he rasped through mostly gritted teeth and pressed his fingers against his eyelids as if the action would be enough to stop the tears from spilling out from them.   
  
“A little coward, maybe, but definitely not stupid, no,” a quiet voice drawled from somewhere and then he felt something draped around his shoulders, the fabric was soft and smelled strongly familiar. He’s frozen in place, his sobs were suddenly trapped in his throat when the person quietly took a seat by his side and leaned against him, the comforting weight of the other person’s body was that, comforting and so painfully familiar.  
  
“I got your message, Kazu,” came the equally quiet follow up and Nino felt something inside him physically break.   
  
“And _you_ told me to come back, so, here I am,”  
  
+++  
  
It took merely twenty minutes for the bus to reach the nearest stop, another half an hour more for the next bus to go back and the ride back was just plain torture. He’d been fidgeting the moment he was finally seated, mentally hitting himself repeatedly as he looked down mournfully at his dead phone.  
  
He’d meant to reply Kazu the minute the driver of the previous bus had told him to shut the hell up and wait till they reach the next bus stop (because that’s where he could only drop him and not in the middle of the road, what the hell), then cursing himself to the moon and back when his stupid phone had all but died on him while he was trying to reply Nino’s message.  
  
“I’m sorry I wasn’t able to reply back,” he told the space before him because he knew it was wiser not to direct his words to Nino, at least not yet. “My stupid phone died on me while I was in the middle of texting you,”  
  
Nino said nothing, and well, he didn’t expect him to – so he kept his gaze on a patch of green beyond them and waited.  
+++  
  
He felt like sobbing again.  
  
So that was the reason why he hadn’t been answering, and that was more than enough reason for him to hope that his bestfriend came back to settle the score between them, whatever that might be.   
  
He felt half of the tension leaving his body by the time he shifted a little, clearing his throat and wondering when it had started to get difficult – talking about his thoughts, that is.  
  
“Well, that explains a lot,” he found himself murmuring.  
  
+++  
  
It was a statement as much as it was a question, and Satoshi recognized one when he heard one.   
  
Nino gave him an opening and he knew it would be a grave mistake not to grab the opportunity if it was so willingly presented.  
Maybe he should try by explaining himself first.  
  
“The old lady I was sitting next with offered me her phone, but –“ he explained and paused, glancing to his right where Kazu hadn’t been moving (or at least he thought he hadn’t) since he sat there not even minutes ago. He knew there might be an even better way to address the subject, now, an even subtler approach to go about things but he guessed Nino would understand anyway if he forego sugar-coating his words in favor of going straight to business.   
  
And besides, of all the things he could very well deal with right now, none of it involved _not_ talking – for the very reason they were in this mess was because none of them was brave enough to open their mouths and say the things that would have made dealing with their emotions a whole lot easier.  
  
“I realized I hadn’t memorized your mobile phone number yet, so I ended up calling your home phone instead,” he said conversely, glad that at least his voice was not shaking just like the rest of him. Nino said nothing, but the subtle way his shoulders had shifted told him that Nino was listening, and that’s good.   
  
“Kazue answered and well, she said you weren’t home yet but that she was pretty sure she saw you ran out of the house as if you were in pursuit of something – or, _someone_?” he chuckled at that, wanting to keep everything from here on lighter as possible, watching the way Nino’s shoulders stiffen and keeping himself from reaching out so he could run his fingers through Nino’s hair.  
  
It surely felt like a moment and an eternity later when Nino spoke, startling him.  
  
“H-How’d you even know I’m here?” came Nino’s muffled reply, but dealing with his bestfriend all these years had taught him the basics of understanding Nino’s words however incoherent they might be, the way Nino learned to read his thoughts for him without him saying anything in return.  
  
It made him smile, because Nino answering meant he was ready to talk, finally.  
  
“Do you really have to ask, Kazu?” he said, and finally gave up trying to hold himself back as he held out a hand and curled it against the curve of Nino’s nape. Nino’s skin was drenched with sweat, but he couldn’t care less when Nino’s too close and he could be able to touch him again like this.   
  
Nino still said nothing, but the way he’s leaning in further to the touch was reason enough to make him brave, scooting closer so he could lean his entire weight against Nino’s side.   
  
“Well, I guess you could say that I know you better than anyone else,” he said, and then like an afterthought, “although I’d have to prove myself worthy of that notion -- if we’re going to put the mess we’re in right now into consideration,”   
  
Nino stilled and in turn, he kept quiet, too.  
  
+++  
  
He knew he was acting like a complete jerk and it’s not even minutes ago when he’d been talking to himself about his apparent stupidity, and now, instead of facing his bestfriend and telling him exactly what he suppose he should be telling him, he was hiding behind his hands like a coward.  
  
But he guessed it couldn’t be helped, when his nerves were frayed and his thoughts were a complete mess, and his bestfriend’s soothing touches were instead making him shiver.   
  
He felt a little fucked up inside and he didn’t think it’s going to get better anytime soon.  
  
+++  
  
“That still didn’t answer my question,” Nino retorted and this time he could tell that Nino was merely trying to keep himself from shifting so he could look at him too, if the strain in his shoulders were of any indication. He continued rubbing little soothing circles across the skin of Nino’s nape, wishing that by doing it, Nino could tell he was ready – had been ready for quite some time now – to tackle this thing between them so they could both move forward, together, he hoped.  
  
But there’s just too much about this that scared of him – one of them was the fact that he didn’t even know how and where to begin without stumbling on his words the minute he started saying them. But he knew Nino wouldn’t want to hear the strain in his voice when he talked, and he didn’t want him to think that he was having second thoughts about being here.   
  
“I’m not sure whether I’d be able to give you the answers you were looking for but –“ he paused to shift to his side till he had his chin rested against one of Nino’s shoulders, feeling his entire body trembling at the fact that he, too, was about to step over the line where friendship end and something else begin.   
  
“I wish telling you that _I’ve been in love with you_ is enough to make things better between us, but –“ he stopped, his eyes prickled warmly at the way those words finally made out his lips and how good it felt to finally say them out loud. “but I know they’re not enough – they’re never going to be no matter how much I want them to but–“  
  
The way Nino turned in his arms was so quick the movement cut him off completely, shifting just in time to find Nino burying his face against the crook of his neck and his arms automatically rounding around Nino to gather him in.  
  
“No, Oh-chan,” Nino answered shakily, fingers gripping the front of his shirt as he pressed his nose against the crown of Nino’s head. “ _That’s_ already more than enough,”  
  
He closed his eyes and pressed his lips against Nino’s hair, mindful of the way his shirt was getting damp and knowing that it was not because of the heat or Nino’s sweat.  
  
Nino’s shoulders shook beneath his careful hold, a powerful sob wrenching itself out from his chest when Nino murmured,   
“I love you so much, Oh-chan,” nodding his head and hugging Nino closer.  
  
“Oh god, _Kazu_ ,”   
  
And just like that, he knew they’re going to be fine again.


	14. Now or never

It was not like him to think deeply about things, not really, at least not when it wasn’t about money or games, or more importantly lately, his best friend. But ever since _that_ day, where he and his best friend had spent the rest of the day sitting next to each other, closer than they normally would when they’re out in public, not quite talking because neither of them actually knew what to say after the inevitable in-your-face-confession, Nino found himself thinking deep thoughts about his best friend every goddamn minute.

It didn’t help that the memory of that particular moment was enough to give him the shivers, though he wondered why that’s the case when they didn’t do more than hold hands on their way home and Satoshi bravely (and shyly) dropping a light kiss against his temple before he was able to trudge his way inside their house anyway.

After that, it was his turn to watch his best friend’s retreating back when Satoshi turned away just as quickly as he had pressed his lips against Nino’s temple, wondering whether that was how it was supposed to end and blushing awfully red when he realized the implication of what he had just asked himself out loud.

Nino liked to think that maybe, possibly, they ought to talk about this sudden shift on their relationship before either (or both) one of them end up _batshit_ crazy due to all these unspoken and unresolved issues between them.

But as it was, those were easier said than done.

He mournfully stared at his phone and heaved another deep sigh. He didn’t think it would be this difficult, because quite frankly, he had expected something else to come out from this. The confession had been pretty much unexpected, but he guessed that was just the case for the two of them; he was pretty sure those people around them had been going on about them being together for real since he started high school, anyway.

It had been at least three days since he’d last seen his best friend (or, is Satoshi his boyfriend now or what?), been three days since his mother and sister had been eyeing him weirdly (at least more than how they usually eyed him before) and without so much as a freaking text message from Satoshi to at least let him know whether the wretched guy’s still alive or something.

His sister had been throwing him her signature fluttering-eyelashes moves and he couldn’t even find it in him to give her hell for it, simply because he’d been worried and distracted enough not to care.

It was not until his mother pointedly told him, in her very loud voice nonetheless, that he should probably make the first move and contact his new-but-not-exactly-boyfriend-yet before he developed some kind of stupid illness, which people seldom referred to as depression just because he was nothing but a coward little shit, choosing to sulk in here instead of doing something fun, like –

He paused, shaking his head violently before his thoughts even managed to move past the holding hands scene. It’s bad enough that he’s in love with his best friend, which was a guy for crying out loud, but his family being all supportive and not even the least bit ashamed about egging him on to do something, um, filthy (and at his tender age of fifteen, God!) to said best friend? Unbelievable, really. Not to mention utterly ridiculous. Ugh.

His gaze wandered past the clutter of mess he made on his bed (which mostly consisted of his game cartridges he played and the boxes of empty Pocky he had been munching on since last night) to his phone lying quietly still on his bedside table, and feeling miserable and all kinds of frustrated, thanks to his asshole of a best friend who obviously chose to seclude himself from the world (the same way he’s obviously up and about, but who cares?) after confessing his apparent affection to said best friend’s own best friend.

Gah, if only he himself wasn’t feeling all too wind up about all these, if only getting up and forcing himself to run over to his best friend’s house fast enough to demand an explanation as to why he suddenly turned tails on him, maybe then he’d know. But as it was, he too was feeling the proverbial embarrassment settling over him at the simple thought of seeing his best friend’s stupid face after the last time they saw each other.

But, then again…

Didn’t that dumb guy said he loved him? That he loved him enough to make him want to literally run back to him even though he already left? That he would never leave him again, at least if he could help it? Then why the hell wasn’t he at least visiting, or texting, for that matter?

That insolent little --

The decision came as fast as he thought it ought to, grumbling to himself and letting the anger wash away the remains of his embarrassment as he struggled on his knees and all but crawled on all fours till he was near enough to the other side to grab his phone, lips pursed into a thin line.

If that dumb asshole didn’t have any plans on coming to him, or at least talk to him when they ought to talk about a lot of things, then he’d gladly take the initiative and –

\---paused, and almost dropped the phone when it started vibrating against his hold, prompting him of an incoming call.

It was Satoshi.

Two, three rings before Nino was able to realize how talking on the phone works, pressing the call button and plastering the phone against his left ear with trembling fingers; he didn’t know he was shaking so bad until his knees gave out on him, thankful that he was still on his bed as he tried to make out the sounds coming from the other end of the line.

“O-Oh-chan?”

A beat, followed by the static sounds that almost made Nino think he was talking to no one because he could hear nothing but electric buzzing, his throat suddenly felt dry and his chest felt heavy. The initial anger faded the minute he saw his best friend’s name on his phone’s screen, but it wasn’t enough to cover the sinking feeling that something might be wrong. He waited until it was almost unbearable, blinking at the space before him until he realized Satoshi was already mumbling his name, soft and hesitant.

“W-What?”

Another beat, and Nino could actually imagine the way his best friend was biting at his lower lip in utter concentration, and the thought alone was enough to ease his previous worry, at least for a little bit.

“C-Can I come over?” Satoshi mumbled again, at least clearer this time, and Nino’s breath was caught in his throat at the suddenness. He found himself biting at the insides of his cheeks to prevent the girly whimpers from spilling out, briefly wondering whether he was making odd sounds after all when Satoshi called his name again, urgently this time.

It’s pretty hilarious to hear his best friend asking for permission to visit but Nino wouldn’t be where he was right now if he hadn’t known better. But blaming this to the fact that the two of them felt more for each other than they did before was simply foolish. Although, come to think of it, that’s exactly where this trouble all began, right?

“I’m sorry I h-haven’t been able to call or visit these past few days but – w-well. Can I come anyway?” Satoshi asked again.

It’s a ridiculous thing to ask, really, because, what the hell, they were always over at each other’s house that both their families had gotten used to seeing one or the other around, like a sort of permanent fixture, and he honestly couldn’t remember the last time one asked the other’s permission to visit; but well, he guessed things were a little bit different now.

He laughed, breathless. “You’re seriously asking me?” he said, hoping that resolving to teasing now would at least ease the awkward tension between them; Satoshi didn’t answer though, and he immediately felt kind of silly, wondering whether the shift between being friends to this – whatever the hell this is – almost always end up this way.

“I – “ another pause, and it’s really getting on Nino’s nerves that Satoshi seemed not to grasp the general idea that the two of them are in love with each other, so this embarrassing moment he was sure was meant to pass. Not to mention the fact that between the two of them, Satoshi’s older and supposedly more mature when it came to these things, but.

“Oh-chan, what the fuck is wrong with you?” he bit out, exasperated and annoyed beyond annoyance itself; well it couldn’t be helped when he’s trying to sort out his emotions and he was kind of expecting Satoshi to guide him through this, but what was he getting in return?

“All of a sudden you act like we were – like we were strangers, for fuck’s sake! I haven’t heard a peep from you for like, what, three days and now you call me sounding like you just woke up from a fucking bad nightmare, and is about to tell me you made a huge mistake about what you truly felt for me and –“

“Kazu, don’t be stupid, it’s not like that, okay?” Satoshi cut him off, curt and something eager resonate in his tone. “I was – I was just thinking – things,”

He whistled, knew that if they were facing each other now, he might also throw his hands in the air just for effects but Satoshi wasn’t here right now to see it, so he kept himself from doing any of that sort. Instead, he plopped back down on the bed and curled onto himself, realized that the shaking had ceased though his fingers were trembling slightly still.

“But none of those includes what you said just now, okay?” Satoshi continued where he left off, his tone shifting back to its original timber.

Nino gave that a thought and hummed, breathy, afterwards. “So what things were you thinking about, anyway?” he said, thought that it was better to address the issue straight on before he really did suffer a mild depression because of thinking too much. One thing’s certain though, his mother would probably dump him into the ocean if that happened, while she’s yelling at him to snap out of it; they don’t have enough money to send him to a hospital for treatment after all, and that’s the end of that.

He sighed and waited, and just opted on listening to Satoshi’s steady breaths on the other end, wondering briefly when the sound of it was enough to keep his own heartbeat steady; maybe that had always been the case, maybe, he wasn’t just aware of it until now.

“Oh-chan?” he prompted, afraid that Satoshi had ended up falling asleep instead.

“ – ‘m here,” came the even softer reply, and Nino couldn’t help the little private smile from gracing his face. It’s a wonder how Satoshi was able to do that to him, pissing him off and making his pulse accelerate while he’s grinning like a total idiot in just a span of few seconds. But he guessed that’s just one of the many things that was just so.

“What things, Oh-chan?” he asked again, impatient.

Satoshi’s answer this time he honestly didn’t expect.

“Things like, you know, kissing?” Satoshi said, and he honestly sounded a little sheepish but it didn’t mean he was joking about it or anything, and Nino was pretty sure about this too. Even without seeing his bestfriend’s face, he could tell – one of the many perks of growing up learning to read Ohno Satoshi’s words and expressions, enough to know the difference.

Nino was also sure he was completely pink in the face when he heard it, but at least he was kind of relieved to know that he wasn’t the only one, and that thankfully, he was alone in his room right now and no one could actually see him.

“I –“ he started, bit his lips and swallowed hard, “ – me too,” he admitted, voice low; his face was burning and his heart was beating like crazy, and he was absently reaching up to stroke his chest when he heard Satoshi’s quiet chuckles on the other end without realizing it.

“Yeah, so I really, really like to try kissing you for real, Kazu,” Satoshi breathed, sounding different, desperate, if Nino was to be honest about it and it was all he could do not to let a sound identical to a whimper escape his mouth. “ – but I don’t know how, and I don’t know if you’d let me or if that’s even – god, I – I love you, you know that by now but -- but you’re so young and I don’t think it’s even right that I’m thinking these things about you when I don’t even –“

“Hey, calm down, Oh-chan. Breathe for me will you, come on,” he said, taking over the conversation because Satoshi did sounded like he was about to pass out and it’s never a good thing to begin with. Even though they were talking about non-trivial things this time, and the topic was actually enough to get Nino’s pulse rocketing into the ceiling but this was his role, at least between the two of them.

It’s obvious that Satoshi was going over and about this the wrong way, and really, Nino was just too glad to be in charge, like how it always had been when it comes to them.

“K-Kazu, I – I’m sorry, I didn’t mean – I know it’s a little – oh god, what am I even saying?” Satoshi grumbled, incoherent, but even now, Nino was pretty certain he could understand his best friend perfectly.

Well, it wasn’t like they were scared, or maybe they are, a little bit because that’s just to be expected, but most certainly because thinking about those things was completely different from actually going for it. And well, his best friend had been right to be having second thoughts about this – Nino’s too young for such things anyway, but well, that’s for Nino to decide, right?

“You make it sound like it’s a bad thing, Oh-chan,” he told Satoshi, breathless with laughter as he straightened up, pulled himself into a sitting position until he’s leaning back against his bed’s headboard. “Kissing me, that is,”

Satoshi made a pained sort of sound and Nino found himself laughing again.

“It’s not like that and you know it,” Satoshi grumbled, and Nino knew he was trying half-heartedly to avoid addressing the issue further. But he’s done doing that really, and for the sake of them both, its either do this now or decide on not doing anything at all. Which would be, to be honest, tremendously stupid most especially on his part.

“Well, you can tell me about what it is about then,” he said, feeling a little confident about it now, at least while they weren’t facing each other. He could pretend he’s got all these figured out, if only to stop Satoshi from prematurely freaking out on him. “If kissing me is not a bad thing, then what is?”

His bestfriend swallowed noisily and Nino found himself biting his lips again.

“I – I don’t know,” came the hesitant reply, “It’s just that, well – maybe I’m scared you’d freak out when I ask you? I’m not really confident about these things but –“

“Do you want to kiss me or not?”

A gasp, then, “I do; of course I do, Kazu,”

He sighed and made a show of making it sound exasperated. “Then stop your whining and start doing something to make it happen,” he said, “because no one is going to be able to kiss anyone if they’re so far apart; think about it,”

“So, does that mean I can?” Satoshi backtracked, still as hesitant, “Try to kiss you, that is?” wow, Nino mentally cooed, Satoshi was really asking and if this wasn’t enough to send the proverbial butterflies into a crazy frenzy inside his belly, then he wouldn’t know what would.

Nino’s heart was doing that weird _my-bestfriend-loves-me-and-he-wants-to-kiss-me_ kind of dance again and for the life of him, he didn’t think he would ever get use to this, not until they both manage to pass through this hurdle together.

“Sure,” he said through gritted teeth, knew that his voice was quivering despite his huge effort to keep it even; he’s gripping his phone tightly that he was sure his knuckles were completely white, biting his lips until he could taste his own damn blood beneath his tongue. “But not here, yeah?” he said, like an afterthought, briefly aware that it came out like a ragged whisper.

“Not there --?”

“Well, yeah,” he snorted, because duh? “My mom and sister are home and, well, you know how they are,”

Satoshi didn’t say anything for about a full minute and Nino wondered whether he already hang up, surprised when Satoshi spoke, soft and acquiring.

“And I don’t think we’d be able to get up to any funny business if we know they’re out there with their ears pressed against my room’s door, right?”

Satoshi snorted at this, then after like a moment’s thought, he said,

“Well, my parents and Neechan went to my grandparents place for the weekend, so –“ he said and paused, like he couldn’t believe he was saying this.

“Yeah?” Nino prompted, wished he didn’t sound so eager because, really, how could he not?

“I – I kinda have the house all too myself right now,” Satoshi breathed the words so softly that Nino wondered if it was done on purpose, feeling the hairs at the back of his head standing on end; he was pretty sure he was having a hard time keeping himself from whimpering when Ohno said his name very quietly, then added, “but it’s okay if you can’t, I understand, it’s not like –“

“Shut up,” he grumbled, fingers twisting at the hem of his shirt. His breath kept hitching and god, they were simply talking; he wondered how he would fare the minute Satoshi’s close he could breathe the air leaving his best friend’s lungs, and if he would even manage not to pass out before Satoshi even lay a hand on him.

He shivered but kept his fears and uncertainties under his careful control, knew that one wrong move and his best friend would know it for sure, and he didn’t want that.

It’s now or never.

The decision came too fast, he didn’t even realize he was speaking again.

“K-Kazu?”

“Just stay calm and wait for me, okay?” he said, righting himself; “I’m coming over.”


	15. The easy way out

His hands hadn’t stopped shaking ever since he put the phone down, gaze locked on the wall before him as if it held the answer he most likely would want to ask himself out loud right this minute if not for the fact that his brain felt like it had melted on its own, and the image of himself and Nino locking lips was enough to make his head spin he felt like throwing up immediately afterwards.

Well, he would say he wasn't scared out loud if it would help, but knew that at this point, there’s nothing he could come up with could ease the chaotic way his heart was behaving inside his chest, or the way his pulse kept skipping at the memory of Nino’s tone when he said he’d be right over. He could say that there was nothing to be worried about, that he didn’t really have to make a huge fuss about having Nino over because it’d be just like as always – two long time friends hanging out with each other but just –

  
“But it’s different!” he groaned aloud, contradicting himself as his hand came up to rub his face as if it would make this stupid feeling go away, but it didn’t. He could rub himself raw and it still wouldn’t change the fact that he just told his best friend? (boyfriend? boyfriend?!) that the reason he’d been hiding away all these time was because he was thinking of kissing Nino but was not sure if it was allowed, but that his best friend/boyfriend agreed without even batting an eye to the idea and now...

  
… He’s screwed, and he knew it.

  
Well, that’s just to be expected, since imagining kissing his best friend and actually doing it were two completely different things altogether. He could pretend it wouldn’t be so different from how he imagined the real thing would go, but once he’s there, god, he didn’t know what he would do, really.

  
But then again, it’s them; he and Nino had been together since they were children, they’ve spent too much time in the company of each other for him to know that he’s probably not the only one stressing himself over this, that Nino might be feeling the same level of fear he’d been feeling, so why bother?

  
So Nino’s coming over, so Nino agreed to try the kissing thing with him, so what? Wasn’t that the normal thing most couples do? One way or another, this thing had to be done – and well, wasn’t it a good thing that he’d be doing it with Nino and not with anyone he didn’t even give a flying fuck about, just like how his first kiss had gone?

  
He didn’t think so.

  
Well at least, this time he could do better since his first kiss wasn’t all that pleasant that he didn’t even want to remember it; and of course, he’d do it with Nino this time, so that alone should be enough reason not to fidget like a five year old brat about to enter his kindergarten room for the first time.

  
Man up, that’s what he should do. Remind himself that this is his best friend he’d be doing all these things with, that it’s his turn to take the lead for once and make sure his best friend wouldn’t hate him forever just because he sucked at simple things such as kissing.

  
“Yes, I can do this,” he prepped himself, punching his chest for effect. “It’s just kissing, no big deal – just our mouths touching and our tongues –“

  
“Can you at least, I don’t know, let me in first before you think of anything beyond our mouths and tongues touching because it’s kinda hot out here, Oh-chan,”

  
He was pretty sure he had let out the loudest (and probably the girliest) shriek he had ever let out in his life, turning around to find his best friend (boyfriend, right) squinting at him from the doorway, and staying completely frozen on his feet as he stared at Nino.

  
“Right,” he heard Nino say, stepping forward because he obviously forgot how talking works; Nino’s even shaking his head, obviously aware that his dumb best friend was seconds away from literally dissolving, and that he probably should just come inside on his own accord before either of them really did dissolve without having to do exactly what they’re here for. He watched Nino closed the door behind him, toed his shoes off and neatly placed it next to his before grabbing for the house slippers his mother reserved for the younger boy, slipping it on and walking the rest of the way towards him.

  
“So,” Nino said when he’s near enough to talk, looking decisively confident with his arms crossed over his chest. “About the kissing thing,” Nino followed, unblinking, and his previous thoughts about Nino’s confidence fading along with his own when his gaze caught the way Nino’s lower lip quivered, and the way Nino had his fingers clawing half-moon dents against the skin of his palm.

  
Damn right he’s not the only one.

  
He breathed deeply, smiled, slow and careful, and let himself cross the distance between him and Nino, lifting his hand to rest it against Nino’s cheek and tugging Nino closer until he could lean in to drop a tender kiss against the side of Nino’s temple, feeling the proverbial anxiety buzzing through his fingertips at the mere touch. Nino sucked in a deep breath though he tried to mask it with a scoff, but failing when Nino’s body gave out a sort of minor convulsion when his hand reached out to cradle the side of Nino’s face.

  
The noises Nino’s let out when he did that was something close to a whimper, and he would lie to himself if he would say that that sound alone wasn’t enough to urge him on.

  
“Yes,” he whispered, shaky and a little unsure, but seeing the way Nino had reached up to curl his fingers against the front of his shirt was enough to boost his confidence, and enough to press another kiss against Nino’s cheek.

  
“The house is all ours,” he whispered, mindful of the way Nino had started shaking against him as he hold Nino close; it made him braver, the fact that Nino seemed to have given up pretending he wasn’t scared, and handing over the control with which he’d gladly accepted.

  
He smiled and let his lips lingered a bit longer against Nino’s cheek, felt all those shuddery gasps leaving Nino’s slightly parted mouth as he mouthed the words against Nino’s skin.

  
“But I would very much prefer to take you back to my room and do the kissing thing there, if it’s okay,”  
Nino’s eyes were lidded heavily and he looked like he’s having a lot of trouble focusing his gaze, teeth biting against his lower lip as he nodded his head in submission.

  
“O-Okay, Oh-chan,”

  
He beamed, tugged Nino in for a quick hug, mindful of the way his own body was shaking alongside Nino’s.

  
Curling his fingers through Nino’s smaller ones, he pulled him close and took the first, deciding step forward.

  
“Let's go, Nino.”

  
+

  
It’s ridiculous, really, to be this nervous in the face of something so utterly simple. Well, that’s the only way to put it really, because the more he tried to elaborate things in his head, they only end up messier than they already were. His best friend’s hand was at least a cold (and undeniably comforting) reminder that he’s not the only whose stupidly nervous about these whole thing. Though it didn’t help the fact that they were both shaking with nervousness to actually make things a little better, letting himself be tugged along to the direction of his best friend’s room, saying nothing to each other.

  
It’s a bit of a relief when they reached the door to the bedroom, at least on his part, most especially when his best friend waited until they were completely inside before he let his hand free. Then he was turning completely around only to close the door behind them, his face sporting the color of a fully-ripened tomato as he strut his way back to stand next to him.

  
“Um,” was the first and only verbal response he could manage when his best friend threw a hand out, palm spread and eyes pleading. It made him blush realizing what that simple gesture meant, but holding out his own hand and placing it over his best friend’s own as he snorted out an embarrass snort.

  
“Don’t worry, I’m not gonna bite,” his best friend even found the balls to tease and he barely managed to keep his other hand from taking a swing at him; it was just as good that his best friend was tugging him forward yet again, and only stopping when the both of them finally reached the foot of the bed.

  
“So, um, here’s the bed,” his best friend hummed under his breath, like he was also having a really hard time keeping this from being as awkward as it’s quickly turning out to be, but obviously didn’t know how to do it.

  
He sighed and took the final step forward, effectively tugging his best friend along and sitting himself down on the bed. He was still as unsure as he had been minutes before, but for all its worth, they’ve come a long way to let this stupid embarrassment get in the way of doing something fun for once.

  
“Yes, the bed,” he commented, tracking his best friend’s movements until his best friend ended up copying him, sitting down next to him on the bed with their hands still joined and their hips bumping side by side. He couldn’t help the bubble of laughter from surfacing when he and his best friend turned to face each

other at the same time they almost bumped noses, both of them breaking into fits of giggles afterwards.

  
“Kazu,” he heard his name as his best friend called him out, biting his lips and willing his heart to calm down when he realized how close their faces were to each other that he could practically inhale the air leaving his best friend’s mouth.

  
He smiled, tiny and amused, but the look on his best friend’s face was enough to make him want to do this thing and get it over and done with.

  
He heaved another breath and stopped thinking, shifting to the side and throwing himself right onto his best friend’s lap.

  
“We’re in your room and sitting on your bed, Oh-chan, so why the hell are we not doing anything and just staring at each other like a couple of lunatics, I will never understand,” he muttered, congratulating himself mentally for actually not stuttering, pressing his forehead against his best friend’s and watching the funny way his best friend’s going cross-eyed trying to watch him back. “I remember you said about the kissing thing, are we still doing that or do you want to do something else?” he said, not really thinking about what he was saying at all until the words were out of his mouth and his best friend’s eyes widened to unbelievable size as he stared him up.

  
Oops. “Uh, I m-mean, like playing games or –“ Shit.

  
The grin that broke across his best friend’s lips was nothing compared to the many smiles that graced the older boy’s face, and he wondered if it was better to correct himself or just let his best friend work his way around that stupid word vomit he just committed.

  
A hand came up to touch his cheek before it moved to grab the nape of his neck, and his best friend’s mouth was closer than it had never been before.

  
“Definitely doing the kissing thing first.” was the last thing he heard before something soft and warm was pressed against his mouth, and his vision was filled with his best friend’s lashes and cheeks as he closed his eyes and let his lips move on its own.

\--

They’re kissing. 

That in itself would have been enough to break a few records, at least those that constituted to the long-standing enigma that was his bestfriend. Nino honestly believed that he was one of those many who thought that his bestfriend was more like a saint (or a retard, depending on the situation, like when Satoshi preferred to stand on the side and pick his nose instead of paying attention to things that mattered, most especially things that normally catches the attention of the supposedly hot-blooded teenagers like him) but even he had doubts. 

Three years wasn’t that huge a gap for Nino not to notice that his bestfriend seldom looked at girls (or boys alike, thank God) all throughout their middle school year together. Of course there were those shameless girls who had gone out of their way to flirt with Satoshi – those girls whose names still lingered in Nino’s memory like plague -- but no one was interesting enough to grab Satoshi’s attention back then.

Nino remembered how girls had flocked their way around Satoshi then, when the talk about the mysterious and newest star of the art club broke out. But even that didn’t seemed to matter to his stupid bestfriend; he knew because he was there, watching how his bestfriend had barely thrown anyone a second glance before going about his own way without talking to any of those girls who knew nothing about the guy they were pursuing, aside from his pretty (and seldom dumb) face, nice body and undeniably amazing talent in creating things with his hands. 

It was startling and a little bit confusing -- Nino was pretty sure his bestfriend, despite leaning a little on the dumb side, was a perfectly healthy human male; the porn magazines and AVs hidden underneath his bestfriend’s bed could attest to that theory, so realizing that his bestfriend hadn’t even bothered to date all throughout middle school was all sorts of surprising. But Nino wisely didn’t ask his bestfriend out loud about it in fear of knowing what he’d rather not know, because there’s no way he could say that he was a hundred percent sure about Satoshi’s sexual escapades even though he was pretty confident it was anything but non-existent. 

So of course, since Nino was living in this sort-of fantasy world where his bestfriend was one of those like him (admittedly) – the _never-been-kissed_ and _never-been-touched_ underage teens – he was honestly kind of expecting an awkward and fumbling Satoshi. 

He found out he was wrong, of course. 

Satoshi definitely wasn’t fumbling and as far as Nino’s knowledge, or lack thereof about the kissing department, Satoshi was anything but awkward. And well, right now, Nino was kind of glad he was wrong in assuming that his bestfriend held no experience in the said matter. Although, it was enough to stir the onslaught of oncoming jealousy, he wisely swallowed it down because, well, his bestfriend was kissing him now and not someone else, was he? 

Satoshi’s mouth was hot and demanding, and he was kissing Nino like the world’s scheduled to end any minute now. But there was certain tenderness in the way his tongue flickered at the corners of Nino’s mouth, an unspoken gentleness when he swiped it along Nino’s bottom lip as if he was unsure of what he was doing, careful not to press too hard, too close as if he’s quietly chastising himself, quietly wondering whether he was doing the right thing or not. 

Nino would have said so otherwise if he had the brain capacity for it, or even the strength to open his eyes enough to watch his bestfriend’s face as they kissed. But as it was, he was too caught up in the moment to even remember how to breathe, and was simply letting Satoshi’s quiet murmurs into his lips to remind how breathing works instead. 

Only, Nino was positive none of this was simple or easy. He could tell, with the way Satoshi’s fingers shook against their hold around him how terrified his bestfriend was from the very beginning, because they both knew that once they crossed this line there was turning back. He should have realized how huge a responsibility it was to put all of these on his bestfriend’s shoulders – letting him lead the way just because he was older and expectedly wiser. 

He should have realized it sooner, that they were in this together no matter what. 

“It would be nice if you could –“ Satoshi whispered then, ragged and breathy, and Nino had to open his eyes at that, couldn’t not, because the sound of Satoshi’s voice was too different from how he remembered it. He caught Satoshi in time as he was about to raise his hand, and his bestfriend paused, uncertain, before shakily reached over to cup his jaw and leaned in forward to rest their foreheads together. 

“I’m so sorry if I’m doing this all wrong, Kazu,” his bestfriend muttered, his voice trembling, and Nino would have laughed out loud if he had the lung capacity for it. So he was right all along. Satoshi was terrified and he most likely would be until the end if he couldn’t come up with something himself, something to assure his bestfriend that this was all sorts of perfect and that he need not worry himself sick over doing things wrong. 

But it was difficult to do anything, and he knew he should say something now, because his bestfriend sure looked like he was torn between running off and apologizing, and Nino hadn’t kissed him enough to let him go just yet. 

He heaved a breath and commanded his heavy limbs matter-of-factly, until he was able to worm his arms around his bestfriend’s neck enough to draw him closer. 

“Don’t be stupid, Oh-chan,” he breathed, amused and amazed, and practically vibrating with so much excitement he didn’t know how to contain. “You’re doing fine, okay? Just fine, so –“ he paused, leaned up to press his mouth to the tips of his bestfriend’s nose and giggled at the way it made his bestfriend gasp. “So by all means, please do continue,” he added, sure that he was flushing red in embarrassment. 

Satoshi made a noise that was part-shriek, part-relieved, and Nino allowed himself to briefly wonder how they had reached this point from the time Satoshi boarded that bus that would take him far away from him again, and him sending his bestfriend the most ridiculous (and probably the world’s worst) message/confession someone has ever given someone else. 

But that was in the past now and there was no use dwelling on it. Right now, he had Satoshi close he only need to cross the tiny distance between them to breath him in, could touch him for however long he wanted to -- something he had every intention of doing – but for now, he was going to indulge himself for some more of those wonderful kisses and nothing and no one was going to be able to stop him. He smiled and swiped his thumb across his bestfriend’s bottom lip, leaning in forward and grabbing at his bestfriend’s arms for support. 

“ _Kiss me_ ,” he commanded, but knew that he sounded like he was begging instead. 

Satoshi groaned in response and pulled him closer, one hand moving around the back of his neck to keep him there. He blinked once, twice, smiled while he could and waited until Satoshi let out another of those delicious, strangle-like sounds before Satoshi leaned in and sealed his mouth over his.

+

His lips already felt raw and swollen but it would take him more than that to want to stop kissing Nino. His hands were on Nino, on Nino’s shoulders and waist, running his fingers across Nino’s bare arms and marveling on the feeling of being able to touch Nino freely like this. 

Before he knew it, he had Nino on his back and he was on top of Nino, their feet dangling along the edge of his bed but neither of them cared. He was caressing Nino’s face with one hand and had firmly but gently grabbing Nino’s nape with the other as he was kissing Nino passionately. 

Nino’s mouth was like a furnace, so hot and yet soft, so different from a girl’s but so much better. He didn’t think he would ever get tired of kissing Nino, and knew that there was no way he would stop kissing Nino, unless Nino asked him to. 

His hand that was previously touching Nino’s face moved down on its own, and it was only when Nino moaned so loud into his mouth that he realized it somehow magically found its way inside Nino’s shirt, and was currently roaming Nino’s chest, touching Nino’s nipples one after the other, perking them up with his thumb and forefinger. 

He suddenly felt hot he didn’t know how he managed not to burn Nino with how feverish his body felt, groaning as he popped himself on his hands when he pulled away, at least for a little bit, panting from where he was suspended above Nino. 

“W-What? What is it?” Nino asked, looking slightly disoriented it’s completely adorable; Nino’s mouth was red and shining, and there were already visible patches of red marks across his neck, his jaw, and Satoshi groaned inwardly under his breath. 

_I did that – I was the one who put them there_ , a broken part of his brain screamed at him in glee and it made his ego flared smugly in response. Nino looked up at him and held out a hand to touch his arm, fingers shaking; he growled, giving in to the need as he leaned down to suck at Nino’s bottom lip hard enough to draw another delicious sound from the back of Nino’s throat. 

Nino moaned, harsh and husky, and the sound of it went straight to Satoshi’s most intimate of places, biting lightly on Nino’s lip and barely able to stop himself from thrusting up into Nino’s hips, let Nino feel his burning need for him. It was already uncomfortable to begin with, what with his jeans getting in the way, but.

But no, because Nino wasn’t ready for that kind of thing yet; and he was pretty sure he’s not either, so.

“ _Oh_. Oh,” Nino whimpered, and it was only then that Satoshi realized his mistake; he wasn’t able to catch himself in time to stop his hips from moving on its own, thus letting Nino know how hard he was for the other boy. 

He’s frozen in place when Nino stilled against him, his hands halting from touching Nino at the same time, scared that he did something he shouldn’t have done, at least not yet. 

“ _Shit_ ,” he muttered, cursing himself to hell and back when Nino barely stirred to acknowledge him. “Shit, Kazu, I’m so sorry – I didn’t mean to –“

Nino stopped him with a hand on his upper arm before tugging him back down; then Nino was moving so swiftly to hide his face against his chest, tucking his head under his chin and staying there. He was still breathing hard, willing himself to calm down, and as always, Nino’s presence helped a lot. Nino was warm, so warm, his arms moving on their own to brand themselves around Nino. This at least he was comfortable with, gathering Nino in and keeping him as close as he could manage, wishing Nino felt safer in his arms than he would be anywhere else. 

“K-Kazu, I’m so sorry,” he whispered, pressing his mouth to Nino’s hair and shifting to accommodate Nino fully. He still wasn’t sure if he’d be allow to do more than kiss Nino, not now, maybe soon, but for now he had to apologize for the rudeness, for not being able to control himself and his body’s reaction. 

Nino made a soft noise against his chest then and shifted himself, at just the right place and angle and that’s when Satoshi’s hips found it. 

“Oh,” he gasped, and this time he knew it was his turn to be shocked. 

He felt a gentle but reprimanding pinch on his side, coupled with the feel of Nino’s strangled huff against his chest and he couldn’t stop the grin from blooming across his face. He ducked down and pressed his nose against the crown of Nino’s head, savoring the familiar smell of Nino’s family’s shampoo in his bestfriend’s hair. 

“So I’m not the only one, huh?” he breathed, confident enough to tease Nino since he had all the right to. 

Another pinch, this time aimed on his waist and he jerked, laughing softly. He’s giddy with excitement, hot with desire and love for his bestfriend, and extremely happy that he’s not the only one. Nino felt the same way, too, from the way they felt about each other, down to the fact that they desired each other so fiercely. 

“You’re just fifteen, how come you know how this kind of things work?” he whispered like an afterthought, because really, how’s it even possible? He was seriously confused and received another pinch, this time it was aimed too close to one of his butt cheeks to be considered accidental. 

“You were twelve when you first started jerking off, Oh-chan, and don’t you dare deny it because I know,” Nino bit back as if that was reason enough for him to believe that his bestfriend’s boner was his fault. “I slept over that night and I woke up to the sounds of your filthy moaning while you’re jerking off looking at the boobs of that old AV actress,” Nino told him. “And besides, just because I’m only fifteen doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to have a boner – this simply means everything’s working properly, stupid,” Ah. So it’s like that? 

He frowned at this but let it go in favor of shifting his thoughts somewhere else. Wait, come to think of it, he was sure Nino hadn’t had any experience in the kissing department, right? Then how come -- “Wait – Kazu, could you please explain to me where in hell you learned to _kiss like that_?” he asked, pushing himself a bit away to frown at Nino, because this was important. “Was there something you did while I was away that you’re not telling me?” 

Nino bit him through his shirt. “Where did _you_ learn to kiss like that,” Nino parroted, jabbing his small fingers against his chest. Then Nino looked up to check him out, his lips pursed. “I’m quite positive you did something in Tokyo that you either didn’t want me to know or you simply forgot to tell me – which one is which?” 

He shook his head and leaned down to bite the tips of Nino’s nose lightly. 

“It was nothing,” 

Nino huffed. “Tell me, or you can just forget all about this. And don’t you dare say it’s nothing again because I’ll break up with you right now! ” 

“Kazu!” he whined, tightening his arms around Nino in a sort-of automatic reflex. 

“Don’t Kazu me,” Nino threatened, leaned down to bite him through his shirt again; this time, it was deliberately painful he jerked away from Nino when Nino poised to bite him again. “Who was this person and how far have you two –“ 

“It’s not like that, geez,” he cut Nino off with his palm over Nino’s mouth, then, “It was during the school’s Acquaintance party and one of my classmate’s friends from another department was there to –“ 

“Give me the compressed version, damn it,” Nino hissed. 

He grinned sheepishly and would have scratched the back of his head if he could, if he didn’t want to loosen his hold around Nino lest he’d end up allowing Nino to wriggle away from his grasp. 

“She was drunk and she said I was her type, came up to me on my way to the john and kissed me just like that. But it was nothing compare to how much I like kissing you – I didn’t even kiss her back, I’m pretty sure of it. It’s just – well, it was just so sudden and I wasn’t able to dodge her when she did it. Guess I was pretty tipsy myself,” 

“Your first kiss and it’s with a drunken girl you don’t even know?” Nino muttered, “Unbelievable,” 

He leaned down and pressed his mouth to the corners of Nino’s mouth twice. “Can’t change that, though I was pretty sure my first kiss was with you. Technically.” 

“What?” Nino raised his head and squinted at him suspiciously. “Did you just confess about molesting me when I was the least aware of it?” 

He grinned. “Remember when I had that bicycle accident back when you were five?” 

Nino’s gaze narrowed. “What about it?” 

He reached over and touched the side of Nino’s face, caressed Nino’s cheek tenderly with the tips of his fingers. 

“You were sleeping and I – I just sort of did it,” 

“You mean you kissed me while I’m asleep, back when I was five and you call that your _first kiss_?” 

“Uhm hmm,” 

“You’re hopeless,” Nino told him with a sigh. “I don’t even know why I bothered asking you,” 

“I love only you,” he retorted, taking Nino’s face in between his hands and kissing Nino’s mouth twice. “If I could go back to that time, I swear I’d stop her before she even got two steps closer to me. I’ve imagined kissing you since you turned twelve and – no, I’m not done yet – had I known you liked me like this too, I wouldn’t have left without getting as much kisses as I could from you,” 

Nino was gaping at him but that didn’t stop him from saying the things he wanted to say. Not because he’d rather keep them to himself but partly because he didn’t want these doubts to ruin what he and Nino have now. 

He leaned down and pressed his forehead against Nino’s, enjoying the feel of Nino’s warm breathe on his face whenever Nino exhaled. 

“I am _so_ in love with you right now, Kazu,” he whispered, knew that his voice was laden with so much intensity he could hardly breathe through it, “and I don’t think I’d even want to be far from you now that I have all the reason to keep you close. But we’re still young and we still got a lot of things ahead of us, but even that won’t be reason enough to keep me from wanting you. I want to do so many things with you – kiss you whenever I want to, touch you, make love to you when we’re both ready to do so,” he paused to breath here, watched Nino as Nino watched him back, eyes trained on the way Nino was trying to keep himself from opening his mouth to talk. 

“But for now, the kisses you allowed me to have and you being here with me is enough,” he said, his voice filled with emotion he would never dare hide from Nino, especially now that he didn’t have any reason to. “I promise I’ll be good – that you can trust me to think and love only you even when I’m far away, because I trust you to do that too. There are going to be a lot of people we’d meet along the way, but I promise you, even when the time comes you realized I’m not who you want to be with for the rest of your life, I’d still be here…” 

There was a space of an almost entire eternity before he felt Nino’s fingers on his face, swiping the dampness away from his cheeks with Nino’s thumbs. 

“It’s decided,” Nino told him, his voice quivering just as much, “you’re even dumber than I thought, but,” Nino paused and lifted himself till he got the message and wound his free arm around Nino’s waist to steady him. 

“Kazu,”

“But I love you just as much, Oh-chan. I love you because you’re you and I wouldn’t ever want to change anything about you,” Nino whispered conspiratorially into his ear, his voice shaking still. “I love you. I love you. I love you,” Nino chanted, then, “hey, are you crying?” Nino grunted, and it was only then he realized he was letting out embarrassing noises against the side of Nino’s face, his tears blurring his vision. 

“No,” he mumbled back. “I’m just really, really happy,” he said; Nino chuckled at this, and then there were fingers working their way from the back of his neck to his hair and staying there. Nino’s touch was always deliberately gentle and he couldn’t remember a time when it had been anything but. 

“Me too,” Nino mouthed into his neck, his breathe damp and voice still shaky; it only made him want to hold Nino close, never let him go. 

He braced himself up on his hands, because he didn’t want to crush Nino with his weight and stared at Nino’s equally damp eyes instead. He was speechless as he blinked at Nino, because Nino was staring up at him in a way he was pretty sure Nino hadn’t stared at him before – fierce and focused, like he’d been given the chance to possess what he had been dreaming to get all his life. 

And then Nino smiled, that one amazingly beautiful smile that had him the first time he saw it, his defenses crumbling to the ground as he mentally struggled to find something steady to hold on to. He meant to say a lot of things, not only the ones he’d already told Nino but his throat felt dry and his chest felt like it had expanded immensely, like an over-inflated balloon. 

“I know, Oh-chan,” Nino said, as if he had read his thoughts, and smiled at him some more. He nodded because words had failed to serve its purpose yet again, and just reached out to trace Nino’s cheek with his fingertips as they looked into each other’s eyes. 

He’d heard the phrase _falling in love all over again_ before but he never really thought or understood the true meaning of it, until now. 

And he didn’t mind – he liked the feeling of being in love, most of all the feeling of being in love with Nino.  
  
  
  
 _(Preview : Volume 2)_

There are few little things that can make Satoshi Ohno’s dick hard enough to drive nails – one of them is the fucking smell of toasted garlic and spicy scent of ginger, most especially if the two are mixed together – all of those he usually finds in ramen shops and sometimes, in his apartment when his now ex-girlfriend thought she could impress him with her culinary expertise he knows she only learned through watching online cooking programs. 

It might be disgusting for other people but Ohno isn’t other people; and there’s actually one valid reason as to why he gets an enormous erection over the smell of those spices enough to tear the front of his expensive trousers to shreds.

And he blames it all on Ninomiya Kazunari. 

The guy he loved almost all his pathetic, adolescent life – with whom he had shared his secrets, his fears, and the wild, burning passion of a teenager. The guy he’d dreamt of sharing his future with. 

Until he’d dumped him unceremoniously on the day they were supposed to meet, on their way to Tokyo where the promises of independence, sex and more sex was just within their reach. Dumped him like they didn’t promise to love and take care of each other always. 

And there goes himself, completely unaware that the guy he had heartlessly dumped over a decade ago is back. It’s lunchtime, so the rush of people is understandable. He has been sitting here for about fifteen minutes without Nino noticing him, trying very hard to look disinterested, though he’s feeling anything but. 

He’s watching Nino try to single-handedly man the register while serving orders, his movements hurried but controlled. Even from this distance he could see the sweat gathering at one side of Nino’s temple, and his dick twitches at the memory of Nino’s sweat-slicked face as he fucked him slow into the mattress. 

It had been years since he’s seen Nino, too long for these memories to haunt him, enough to take over his senses sometimes but it has been there since then. There had been girls, and most of the times guys, with whom he had the chance to be intimate with along the way, but none of them was able to make him hot like Nino can. 

It’s like Nino’s touch and kisses are engraved into his being like second skin, that it only needs one fucking tiny thing for him to be reminded of it all over again. 

And that’s why he came back. He knows he should have done this years ago, meet Nino face to face and assure himself that he’s over him; fuck him if he has to, if only to scratch this itch and get it over and done with. 

He doesn’t need to remind himself that this is the same person who literally ripped his heart out from his chest and stomped on it brutally, the same person who had the power to melt his resolve and make him rock-hard in the same fucking breathe. 

Nino looks his way at the same time he is reaching down to subtly fix his throbbing dick inside his pants, filing the way Nino’s eyes widen in surprise before he schools his features back to how it was before. 

_Oh good_ , he thinks. At least he’s pretty sure he’s not the only one.


End file.
